After about 18months of trying out different pain meds yesterday I collected my prescription for Fentynl Patches! As I looked at this small box in front of me I couldn't help wondering, if maybe, just maybe this little box held the answer to all my issues!!
Of course there is every chance that these patches, won't work or will cause the same side effects as the others, or worse side effects....if I'm really unlucky!! But it's worth trying!
I have never been a big pill taker, even for headaches of period pains I would just battle through. But now I am very much, GIVE ME ANYTHING, to help me feel life is worth living! Over dramatic? Maybe? Who knows! But that is how I have felt for months. Feeling pain for every minute of every day is hard work! It might not be an excruciating pain, but a constant throb or constant ache, just to remind you it's there! Every day tasks become more difficult! You become more tempramental and before you know it you have turned into, a miserable cow who doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything and who doesn't stop moaning! Although I tended to moan at myself, rather than out loud to others!!
I am not a very demanding type of person (at least I don't think I am) I want for very little in this life! Although the one thing I have wished for as i blew my candles out on my last two birthday cakes, was to be pain free, whether that meant living or dying I didn't care :-( I just wanted no more pain!
Its been a long slog with LOTS of ups and downs, but with the help of some fanrastic nurses I am slowly getting there. I am enjoying life again, well as best I can! I can get through some days completely pain free, other days with just a few aches and pains! But for the first time since a Secondary diagnosis, I genuinely BELIEVE that I can be pain free which in turn means I can learn to be HAPPY again! I still have a lot of stuff to work through, but being 'normal' again might not be as far out of reach as I thought it was!
So please little patch, please can you work your magic and make my life pain free.... without making me feel away with the fairies, if that's possible! Don't get me wrong fairies are lovely and their world is beautiful. But my days of wearing a pretty tutu and wings are long gone, so I prefer to keep in the real world.....at least during waking hours!
