I often hear from others about what’s next? In this whole cancer nightmare you get so consumed in everything. You obviously have different stages of the whole thing, diagnosis, treatment or treatments and what next?
I feel in my life very much in a physical dilemma, as a normal act individual having cancer has really effected my whole life, and I haven’t really come to terms with the whole thing, I am still hoping that it’s all a very bad dream and eventually I will wake from it and find that it’s all ok. I realise that it can really effect you both emotionally and physically but we often find that treatments for the physical can be effective. But treating the emotions is very hard, harder then I ever imagined. Everyday I wake up thinking how I am going to be today? I keep being told take your recovery day by day. I thought it was abit silly when I first heard that, but actually it’s true. You need to pace yourself very carefully because the exhaustion can hit you very hard indeed and this needs careful management. I find going out most days get abit of a walk make it meaningful like going to your favourite shops etc, it’s mentally giving you some normality but it’s a hidden one in many respects because in going your giving yourself a reason to go out. I found this helpful, but I wonder if anyone else found this useful themselves. You have to be careful because the exhaustion if your like myself it comes on very sudden, I get the feeling of being very wobbly and it’s a case of seat down or fall down. So it’s best to be at places where you can rest. I keep thinking this will help me, again it’s early days but I keep thinking it’s worth a try if it works great if not then you have lost nothing in trying. I keep thinking it will strengthen me and slowly build my fitness and my confidence. Being diagnosed with cancer has really upset my whole system I don’t feel I am cop as well as I thought I should. You get so much stress put on you and you question everything about post op recovery, after other treatment recovery if you needed any additional treatments. Or in my case what is the genetics testing going to show. It’s ironic that I am more worried it will not show anything more then it showing a genetic fault. why you may ask, simply that I will not be able to satisfy my questions, the biggest one is why I got womb cancer so young is there anything else I could do to prevent the complications that I have suffered because of the huge stress my body is in. I try to be rational and excepting but ultimately I am angry and scared, I put a big brave face because I have a huge sense of humour which I use as my protective shield. I think if I smile and joke it will make this horrible experience disappear. Well I can only try hey! I feel angry because I feel I have made so many mistakes in life and I don’t know if or when I could change them mistakes, the whole experience has terrified me and the latest hospitaliation has frankly terrified me. It’s silly I know but the infection I got that caused my immune system to crash could happen again if I can’t rid myself of the infection. So now I am trying hard to not let it bother me and hope i reduce the amount of stress I am in so my body can concentrate on healing my body. Once my body is healed then maybe so will be my mind.
