Introductions first I suppose my name is Max. Hello. I'm 27. I've never blogged, read or written about my experience with Cancer before, so this is all new to me.
When i was 19 I got diagnosed with Acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. Wasn't the best decision i ever made, and It resulted in almost 4 years of treatment. Thankfully I finished the treatment and went into remission. And here i am 4 years later. I've got married. Had 2 amazing kids. Completed a half marathon, 3 months after my treatment finished for Macmillian. And if i'm being honest buried every memory, every pain, every thought and every feeling that i had during that 4 years of treatment. Is that normal?
Dont get me wrong if someone asks me about Cancer or the subject arises (which surprisingly it does quite often) i'll talk about it and engage in a conversation. But i wont go out my way to discuss it. I dont dislike talking about it, but i almost feel bitter about the fact that I've had it even now. Will that go away?
There's always a catalyst to someone starting a blog or doing something different. Mine is what happened to me last week. I woke up on Thursday with a swelling in my groin. It was painful. And It just didn't feel right. The alarm bells just rang. Went to my doctors got a blood test. Got checked out. They couldn't find or feel a lump. I might have pulled it, might be a strained, might be nothing, go home rest, relax and wait for results. While your here his your flu jab! Yay! no better way to get a reality check then get a flu jab lol!
On reflection on the way home. I thought back to the night previous. I'd been lifting my 2 year old son. Playing. Messing about. Think i was acting like the hulk while he was Spiderman. And that's where I've done the damage. Maybe. So back to the bitterness now. Despite everything I've done. All the treatment. The hair loss. The sickness. The Hickman Line. The lumbar punctures. Bone marrow procedures. The 4 years of remission. Cancer has still got a hold on me now. My body is weaker then i thought. There's so much damage done almost behind the scenes from the Chemo that i just cant be the person I was before. I'm not as strong. I've got limits now. Its just so depressing to think and feel like that after being off the hook for 4 years.
I wrote this blog as a sort of reach out to others. We cant ask our family or friends. Unless you've lived it and felt it, they wont know. Despite everything they've done and been though with us. Does anyone else feel like this? Is this my price for still being alive that I've got boundaries now? Or does it get better? Is there someone further down this road then me that can help me or knows what happens next?
Like i said earlier this is my first blog ever so its probably all over the place. So if you made it though to the end you brave soul, then thank you!
