One day at a time...

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

23 Sep 2017

First blog to help me keep sane; to write down my feelings and to connect with others fighting this horrible disease.

Background: Diagnosed with Breast Cancer PR+ ER+ HER2- 34 weeks into my pregnancy. New Mum, I have a 7 week old baby called Ethan (born with right club foot and currently having ponseti treatment to correct foot at Stanmore Hospital). First Chemo on 15/09/17 and now in hospital (admitted 22/09/17) with neutropenia. Spot found on Liver, due to have PET scan on 04/10/17. I had a sentinel node biopsy on 31/08/17. They removed 5 Lymph Nodes, 1 was found to be cancerous. On top of everything, my little brother was sentenced to 3 years in prison yesterday (22/09/17). Its like fricking Jeremy Kyle!

Hi everyone,

I figured its about time I reached out to others who will understand what I am going through! Ive always been a very independent person and often deal with things on my own first and then speak to boyfriend/family/friends but actually this is too much. It actually feels like something out there is trying to break me as a person. Being a new mum is one thing, fighting Cancer on top of that is just beyond words. I feel I have just been keeping it together and accepting my life as it is for now. Its temporary right? But actually Im bloody angry!! Im a good person, what have a done to deserve this!? I know that sounds very poor me but ya know what I'm allowed to have one day trying not to be strong, juggling all the balls up in the air! Smiling and telling people Im fine. Today Im not fine.

FormerMember over 7 years ago

Morning Kell Bells

Sorry to see you joing us here in this particular club - Blimey, seems like you have your personal black cloud hanging over you at the moment :(

The smiles while you are have a tangled knot inside and saying you are fine is something nearly everyone here can associate with - but you are FINE - Frightened - Insecure - Neutropenic and Emotional. Cancer will do that on it's own without all the other 'stuff' you have going on.

If you think it may help with support, info and advice (and somehwere to have a good rant) you could join a couple of the breast groups here.

There is the very active Main Breast Groupand also an Under 50's Breast Group (links) both are friendly places to be when you are in a tough place. There are several mums with young children in the under 50's you can chat with.

Fingers crossed for those PET scan results (more scanxiety)

Hope this is of some help for you to get the best out of this place, hugs, G n' J
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FormerMember over 7 years ago

Hi George,

Thank you for your reply. FINE made me lol

Im feeling better, think I was having an emotional outpour this morning and I had to get it out somewhere, some how! It sounds like your wife has really been through it. Sending you both hugs. Im just starting this journey and already struggling.

Thanks for encouragement and advice on where to visit on here. As a newbie, slowly navigating my way around the Website...

Kelly
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JoDec over 7 years ago

Hi Kelly, I am so sorry that you are struggling, but we all know how you feel. We can't advise on how to get through this, as most of us are still here, wading through, but it does help to share. You can be negative with us, or joke when others think it might be inappropriate! We all deal with things differently and being sad, feeling sorry for yourself, or getting angry at life are all natural processes that we are confronted with. We do laugh though, particularly on the AWAKE thread! We need to remember that we can get through this and that our friends on this forum don't need us to smile if we don't feel like it. I hate to say welcome to this club, but if you need us, we are all here for you. Please find us when you are sad, bored, struggling to sleep or just to update us on how you feel. Add to your blog too, as it really helps. I look forward to hearing how you are getting on and maybe seeing your name pop up on the Awake thread. xxx
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