I have always approached things in practical and pragmatic manner, so for me cancer is no different, with the added need of surgery it was time to ensure all my affairs were in order.
First and foremost was to ensure that my daughters had adequate provision upon my death, I had a Will but having remarried it was no longer valid, I needed to be sure that the home we all live in remained theirs, but that my husband still had a place to live. We sat down as a family and had a fairly lengthy discussion as to what would work for everyone, not an easy conversation for any family, but one that is probably necessary for all, given death is inevitable.
Agreeing on a path was surprisingly straightforward and there were no arguments, I also took advice from a solicitor as to the best way to ensure what we all wanted was possible, and it was, this was massive for me, it left me free to concentrate on myself, not something I'm used to!
Power of attorney, much easier to put in place now, another practical exercise that leaves me free from worry and means one less thing for my family to do should it be needed in the future.
Next my personal effects, I have a couple of bits of nice jewellery and the thought of the girls squabbling over them did not thrill me, they like to squabble to the extent that sometimes I feel like a professional peacemaker. One afternoon we laid them all out, even some old tatty bits from the 1980s and again shock horror completely agreement, I have a few bits left to 'cash in' as apparently they are hideous.
Shoes, I have a rather large collection, these will need a good home as both the girls are a different size to me, so that's still on my to do list.
The loft, well it's my revolving wardrobe and general dumping ground, now that I'm almost fully recovered from the hysterectomy it's time to tackle it, there are a few keepsakes up there as well, so those need to be clearly labelled.
Funeral, having lost my mother this year I'm stunned how expensive they are for even the most simple affairt, the thought of my hard earned cash being burnt, well it makes steam come out of my ears, as a family we have reached an agreement, the shock of continually agreeing really is overwhelming. My body will go to medical science and once all those young medics have finished with me, then I'm for communal anonymous cremation, I know this isn't for everyone, and I listened very careful to my families thoughts on this.
Bank accounts, household bills and passwords, this is a bit of a minefield, most of the utilities are now in joint names, apart from Virgin Media who don't allow it, so my husband is named on the account. Bank accounts, I have my own sole account, which I'm keeping as I only use it for personal expenditure, everything else is joint or my husband is a secondary card holder, hopefully that will make things straight forward, everything is filed in one folder, this means it is just a case of picking it up an working through it, anyone who has had to sort through the affairs of a deceased person will know how time consuming it can be just locating things. Passwords, well there are just so many, I don't like to write them down and I don't use the same one across different things, hubby has enough of a problem remembering his own let alone mine, I still need a solution to this one.
How I want to live the rest of my life, this is a tough one, I like all of us don't know my time horizon, I've read the stats so I probably won't get my 3 score years and 10. I love my life just the way it is, I don't have a bucket list, no burning desire to jump out of a plane, run a marathon or any of those things, what is and always has been important to me is spending time with my friends and family, so for me it is removing anything that hinders that. A few years ago we 'future proofed' our back garden so it needs minimal attention, I love gardening but I'm the only one who really finds its therapeutic, it is now time to future proof the front garden, I have a small raised bed out the back to still tinker with.
Our home, I've lived here for nearly 20 years the bathroom had a very quick 'makeover' the week I moved in, so that is top of my list, the hunt is on to find someone who can translate my vision, my husband will tell you that in itself is not easy.
Work, I love my job and the people I work with, so I'm hoping that as soon as I complete cycle four of chemotherapy I will return, I'm going slightly stir crazy already and have another 43 days certified sick.
If anyone thinks I've missed any practical things please feel free to comment, I know it is morbid, but I want to make things easy for my family.
