I have always approached things in practical and pragmatic manner, so for me cancer is no different, with the added need of surgery it was time to ensure all my affairs were in order.
First and foremost was to ensure that my daughters had adequate provision upon my death, I had a Will but having remarried it was no longer valid, I needed to be sure that the home we all live in remained theirs, but that my husband still had a place to live. We sat down as a family and had a fairly lengthy discussion as to what would work for everyone, not an easy conversation for any family, but one that is probably necessary for all, given death is inevitable.
Agreeing on a path was surprisingly straightforward and there were no arguments, I also took advice from a solicitor as to the best way to ensure what we all wanted was possible, and it was, this was massive for me, it left me free to concentrate on myself, not something I'm used to!
Power of attorney, much easier to put in place now, another practical exercise that leaves me free from worry and means one less thing for my family to do should it be needed in the future.
Next my personal effects, I have a couple of bits of nice jewellery and the thought of the girls squabbling over them did not thrill me, they like to squabble to the extent that sometimes I feel like a professional peacemaker. One afternoon we laid them all out, even some old tatty bits from the 1980s and again shock horror completely agreement, I have a few bits left to 'cash in' as apparently they are hideous.
Shoes, I have a rather large collection, these will need a good home as both the girls are a different size to me, so that's still on my to do list.
The loft, well it's my revolving wardrobe and general dumping ground, now that I'm almost fully recovered from the hysterectomy it's time to tackle it, there are a few keepsakes up there as well, so those need to be clearly labelled.
Funeral, having lost my mother this year I'm stunned how expensive they are for even the most simple affairt, the thought of my hard earned cash being burnt, well it makes steam come out of my ears, as a family we have reached an agreement, the shock of continually agreeing really is overwhelming. My body will go to medical science and once all those young medics have finished with me, then I'm for communal anonymous cremation, I know this isn't for everyone, and I listened very careful to my families thoughts on this.
Bank accounts, household bills and passwords, this is a bit of a minefield, most of the utilities are now in joint names, apart from Virgin Media who don't allow it, so my husband is named on the account. Bank accounts, I have my own sole account, which I'm keeping as I only use it for personal expenditure, everything else is joint or my husband is a secondary card holder, hopefully that will make things straight forward, everything is filed in one folder, this means it is just a case of picking it up an working through it, anyone who has had to sort through the affairs of a deceased person will know how time consuming it can be just locating things. Passwords, well there are just so many, I don't like to write them down and I don't use the same one across different things, hubby has enough of a problem remembering his own let alone mine, I still need a solution to this one.
How I want to live the rest of my life, this is a tough one, I like all of us don't know my time horizon, I've read the stats so I probably won't get my 3 score years and 10. I love my life just the way it is, I don't have a bucket list, no burning desire to jump out of a plane, run a marathon or any of those things, what is and always has been important to me is spending time with my friends and family, so for me it is removing anything that hinders that. A few years ago we 'future proofed' our back garden so it needs minimal attention, I love gardening but I'm the only one who really finds its therapeutic, it is now time to future proof the front garden, I have a small raised bed out the back to still tinker with.
Our home, I've lived here for nearly 20 years the bathroom had a very quick 'makeover' the week I moved in, so that is top of my list, the hunt is on to find someone who can translate my vision, my husband will tell you that in itself is not easy.
Work, I love my job and the people I work with, so I'm hoping that as soon as I complete cycle four of chemotherapy I will return, I'm going slightly stir crazy already and have another 43 days certified sick.
If anyone thinks I've missed any practical things please feel free to comment, I know it is morbid, but I want to make things easy for my family.
Hello Wedgegirl. This is a wonderful piece you have written and I congratulate you on it. May I suggest something else - photographs. I know this seems petty in the great scheme of things. We all have hundreds of photos on phones and computers, but where will these be in 50 years time the way technology progresses. I print off hard copies and also use a real camera to capture happy family times and compile photo albums. Like I say, who knows what will happen to all the digital media in the future, but real photographs will last for ever and give pleasure to the many generations to come. Best wishes.
Brilliantly suggestion you are so right, this needs my attention, I often comment to people that I don't have any baby pictures of the girls on my phone as they are all in albums, but I have loads of new ones on my phone that need to be printed and popped in to an album.
This is also a great task for the not so good days. Thank you x
Thanks for this post, Its Andy from the Car Forum by the way :-) I got my diagnosis this morning and been given "months not years" to live. Its been a strange day and I still not sure what I should be doing or what I should be thinking.
Do you mind me asking about your cremation plans ? I did a quick google but not much shows up for communal anonymous cremation. How is that organised ? is it done via a funeral director ? My situation is I have no local friends and no family, so dont really want (or can afford) to have a big funeral, I just want someone to take my body to hospital if I pass at home, for medical research then get rid of whats left over as cheaply as possible.
Good luck with your journey, very jealous of your TVR :-) I nearly got one back in 2000 and been regretting not getting it every since :-)
Hopefully you will find a couple of people who find themselves in a similar situation to you.
My first hope is that my body will go to medical science, I have completed and sent the relevant forms and my Drs, family and executors of my will are all aware of this.
More details here www.hta.gov.uk/.../body-donation-faqs
If you 'Google' non attendance cremation, this should throw up a few options of funeral directors in your area who can handle this for you.
Not great things to be thinking about, but I feel having planned for the worst it has given been a better head space in which to hope for the best.
The TVR is awesome, had a TVR wedge before hence the name...
Take care, shop around the forums, there are some really great people who will pint you in the right direction for lots of help and support, both mentally, physically and financially.
