So as I move away from a life dominated by cancer and appointments, it's time to try and start feeling a little like me again.
I'm the heaviest I've ever been weighing in at 11 stone, I'm happiest at around 8st 10lbs, apologies to those of you who use those new fangled kgs I have no idea what it translates to. I'm still feeling swollen I assume from the steroids, but I also have a fair amount of joint pain and wonder if carrying around this extra weight isn't helping.
Food, I love food, I would describe myself as a competent cook, I love nothing more than throwing an 8 course dinner party with all the wines, champagne and port, but I've always reigned myself in enough to keep myself around a size 10/12.
A friend asked me why my size is so important to me and I've given this a great deal of thought, I've always lived by a little of what you fancy does you good and everything in moderation believing this would keep me fit and healthy, well clearly there was a flaw in my plan, so what else motivates me, looking good? I'm along way from that, got mistaken for a bloke at the hospital the other day! Feeling good? Yes that's definitely part of it, for years I've been able to balance the needs of work, a busy family life and socialising without so much as a cold, hangovers yes, but being poorly hasn't really been on the radar, I've always had enough energy, and I put this down to eating good food cooked from scratch 90% of the time. Then there's the other reason, clothes... I have a deep emotional attachment to my clothes, I have items that go back years, decades, I'm not sure if this is because as a child I only had hand me downs or homemade clothes, I look after every single garment and even struggle to part with something when it's worn out so throwing something away because I'm too fat does not sit well with me.
Anyway back to the point, counting calories, I hate it, I swear I'm more hungry than I've ever been before, I'm sure that usually I don't eat 1200 calories a day, and yet now 1200 calories seems impossible, although that lovely coffee shop muffin at 400 plus calories is now off the menu.
