First of...

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FormerMember

14 Sep 2017

My dad was diagnosed with oesophagus..... 4 weeks ago, the most shocking moment of my life and the most hardest moment of my life. Iv managed to hold back my tears as I feel that I have to be strong for him so he has positive people around him so he can get through this easier. He was sent to hospital for another endoscopy and camera in his stomach to check his kidneys and liver because he was so dehydrated and hadn't eaten properly in about 2 months. He now has a feeding tube in and is looking better in him self from getting the nutrients and everything he needed. He's still so tired and has no energy. He's quite far away in hospital but not to far that I can't go see him but he doesn't like the attention and I feel bad that he is in hospital and hasn't had a visitor each day. My mum and auntie took him on Tuesday and stayed all day as he was suppose to be staying one night, Wednesday I went up with my mum to see him, Thursday no one was with him, Friday (tomorrow) I asked if he wants me there and he's said no because today he feels rubbish and is in pain, whereas this morning he said he felt so much better. Why did he suddenly feel rubbish again? Saturday I'm hoping to see him, Sunday he should be home. Anyway, back to the moral of the story, on Wednesday when we was saying goodbye I couldn't help myself and my tears just fell out of my eyes but I put my back to him so he couldn't see and said goodbye and I loved him whilst my mum was giving him a hug. I didn't want him to see me sad. Now when I think of him being there and just suddenly being so sick and vulnerable is breaking my heart. I'm so stressed out, im not sleeping properly, eating properly, I have banging headaches and feeling sick. I know it's important to look after myself too but it's just so hard. I'm hoping things will start to get easier to handle.

FormerMember over 7 years ago

Aww bless you ,your post as just made me cry ,so sorry you are going through this .I'm going through the same ,my dad got diagnosed 6 weeks ago with lung cancer which as spread to the spine and I've cryed everyday since .its the hardest thing I've ever gone through too .

You are doing fine,being strong for your dad while he's going through this ,but some how the tears just flow ,we are only human after all. My dad as just gone in the hospice for pain management and physiotherapy ,as he as lost the use of his legs ,he looks so sad it breaks my heart ,but we soldier on everyday putting a brave face on. Stay strong you are doing a brill job just being there for him ,always here if you need a chat . Love Tracy xxx
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FormerMember over 7 years ago

Thank you Tracy, I really hope your dad pulls through! Iv had a thought which is to call the tumour a name because I won't say my dad has the dreaded word. I just can't accept it. I'm going to say let's call him Jonathan Ross because he hates him, hoping that when he starts chemo I can say to him dad it's time to kill Johnathan! Obviously he'd never want to kill a real person but it might make him a bit more positive about it lol.

Your dad and mine both being in hospital are in the best place for them right now that's what we have to think of, their getting the help and support they need to help them feel comfortable and manage the pain.

I'm always here if you need to talk too, I feel talking to people you don't really know but who are going through the same thing could be a lot easier! Xx
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FormerMember over 7 years ago

Thats a brilliant idea lol ,my dad hates a few off telly too,I'm sure your dad will get through the chemo fine,especially if its to kill Jonathan lol. Yes they are both in the best of places getting the care they need .Reading what other people are going through is really sad but it helps to understand that we not on our own .Take care and look after yourself aswell xxx
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FormerMember over 7 years ago

lol it's worth a try, I will let you know what he says! Hopefully it'll bring him a smile. It defiantly does help knowing your not alone I'll look after myself, make sure you do too and you can always message me anytime if you need a chat or to let feelings out! No judgement on my side! Xx
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