Hi
Promises....... of a journey creating many moments of happiness that outweigh the challenging moments.
I have been diagnosed with a very aggressive neuroendocrine tumour with unknown primary. At present these gremlins are taking over my liver.
The words no one wants to hear....We think you have neuroendocrine cancer so we are going to do further testing.The biopsy shows you have neuroendocrine cancer and it is very aggressive. Not only is it a rare cancer, it is very rare in that it is very aggressive.
I felt devastated.. shocked... confused... fear... deep sorrow and a thirst for understanding amongst deep love from my family and very close friends.
Fight or flight kicked in and at that moment flight was winning. I just wanted to curl up in a corner and cry and sleep... wake to find it all a dream and misunderstanding. I wanted to stop the pain that my family were feeling. I wanted it all to just disappear.
Then I realised...The silver lining... I am extremely lucky to be living in a country where there is such expertise in the medical profession and the doctors have a real chance of trying to zap the 'Gremlins' with chemo and contain and shrink them...make me feel better and give me 'Chemo holidays' and hopefully an extra few years to live life.
I have found that over the past twenty years, my life has been revolving around work and not centred on my core values. This illness has shaken me into reality. Life is very precious and should never be taken for granted. It has given me opportunity to spend the time I have left on this planet wisely... time to be in nature and spend precious moments with my family and good friends. It has forced me to re-evaluate my life and live in the moment. To accept what is and begin to find peace with that.
My chemo starts this Friday.
Promises...
