It has been such a long time since I wrote in my blog. Life is back to normal, work is so busy and stress levels are through the roof, but related to normal things, like work, family, moving house etc! Health issues have taken a back seat for a little while. Part of my mind is always back there, ready to jump if it needs to. One thing I can safely say is that I would never be frightened to be checked out; I know that can bring bad news, but it doesn’t create the problem, it just deals with it if needed.
I’m not sure if I have changed through all this. It was such a long journey, 18 months and the big surgery still to come, that I’m not sure that I wouldn’t have changed a bit anyway. We all get moodier and less tollerant with age and I am definitely that. I get so irritated when things don’t go well. Is that ‘post cancer’ behaviour, or just old age? I worry about the future more, finances, stability. That doesn’t mean I think I am going to die, but this has made me more aware of my mortality, my age, my ability to work as hard as I do now. I feel I have been very lax in my preparations for the future, for our retirement, our freedom. I have aches now, I get so tired, I eat far too much! If I’m not careful my health issues will be weight related! It is strange to be harping on about this, as I really do feel well. I have a sadness for the time lost though, the ravages that were thrown at me, the damage done to my body, my bones, my brain! I am here though, fit, healthy, alive!!! I need to stop being sad, bring life back with fun and gusto! Make dreams come true, aspirations achievable, take every advantage I can out of life. Watch this space.
