Here I am again, this time to celebrate the anniversary of the Awake thread, 3 years! How easy it has been to forget how my life was impacted by all this, turned upside down and rattled till everything fell out and smashed. It took a long time and a lot of fighting to find all the pieces and put everything back together, to achieve some kind of normality. I thought I had gone back to normal, but I realise now that I am still not quite there and likely never will be, but I’m close and I’m happy. I’m more tired than I ever was before all of this, less motivated to do the things that I love. I don’t dance, I don’t drink, I am seriously boring now, but then chemo ages everything in your body, so maybe it does the same to your mind? I certainly feel old now and I’m sure that 2 years wouldn’t have made that much difference if I had not been through all of this. I look old too and my teeth are dark. My hair is back properly though, which is great. As I said in December, the dread that it will come back or happen again has not left me, but I don’t think about it every day anymore. This virus has given us all another focus and made me realise just how lucky I was to be finished treatment. When all this started, all I could think about was everyone on chemo, higher risk, no visitors, frightened to go near a hospital. It must be awful. Lets hope that we all get through this and that eventually, we do get our lives back, cancer free or at least cancer controlled. My love to all that are struggling, all those recovered and all those yet to face this.
Jo Jo xxx
