Last year my dad who lives with my mum in France was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer and secondary cancer tumor to the brain. He had surgery to remove the brain tumor (also contracting meningitis) it was a terrifying experience with him in intensive care and behaviour changes. He then underwent chemotherapy for 5months, after that radiotherapy to the brain and lung. He was responding so well to the treatment despite he diagnosis, he had lost so much weight in intensive care but he had regained and more. Two weeks ago he had some dizzyness and numbess down one side of his body my mum rushed him to A&E and from then on he has tests and scans which has revealed the cancer has returned to the brain, 7 to be exact! I am completely heartbroken, lost, devastated and absolutely petrified. I can't imagine my life without him, he is my world and I'm so protective of him. He is such a happy go lucky laid back gentle person and I can't bare the thought of him dying this way, at his age and before ever having the chance to be a grandparent. The worse is at night or when I'm alone I just cry for hours. I don't want to be alone but yet I don't want to talk to anyone. I'm not an emotional person but I have become extremely emotional. Its so hard being in a different country, I spent the last 6 months with him and now I've come home as I too have a lot of things depending on me here. Its so difficult - I want to spend every minute making memories but his so exhausted he just wants to sit in front the TV and rest. Sorry to go on it feels so good to get it out..
