Quick synopsis.
Suffered from indigestion most of my life, went silent then in 2015 I started having problems, after being unable to swallow food and eat hot and cold items together hot food cold drink, I went to the doctor.
They prescribed high dose omeprazole but it did nothing so they booked me in for an endoscopy. That was in Dec 2015. In Feb 2016 I had endoscopy Nd was told there and then I had cancer, also told not to google it but I did so will written who was getting dogs, cats etc most important.
Bit I was wrong, even though it was advanced, stage 3 oncologist and surgeon were pretty confident they could get it.
3 x EOX April, May June. Surgery 8th August to remove all my stomach plus 50 lymph nodes all of which were clear but due to staging I had more chemo and radiotherapy.chemo was cut short due to sickness ended 20th Nove an drew last radiotherapy session was 21st, 2 days before my 44th birthday.
Since then I got really poorly unable to eat and drink first week of December, delayed reaction to radiotherapy. Got better after hospital stay only to go down hill again as I was trying to eat too much too soon as I had a friends wedding to attend December 28th. Sadly I did not make it as I was admitted into hospital again on23rd December.
Since then I have had dumping syndrome, tried every nutrient drink going and finally found I can stomach protein bars and generally try and snack all the time. I have to put an alarm on to remind me as having no stomach means I do not feel hungry. I find food boring. Visited a hypnotherapist to help with nausea and an aversion tos jells, that really helped.
Now I am getting back to work after being lethargic for so long. I have builds up slowly and I can manage 5 hours a day plus walking my old geriatric dog. The younger girl is with a friend as I cannot exercise her enough yet.
Why suddenly do I feel the need to write all this down, because I feel bluh, I am not depressed thankfully. My friends and family helped me avoid that although I can easily see how I could have fallen into that trap. Bit I do get days where I think I cannot be bothered. I just want to lie still and do nothing. This is not good so I have to force myself up and out.
I have things to look forward to each month, days out, new bathroom being done etc but I still feel a bit lost and a bit lonely.
Not wanting or needing sympathy, I just think I need to get this done in writing to tell the universe how I feel and that I need it to stop. I am not going to be he same person I was, I am better, I have fought a long and hard battle and I am winning and I will continue to do so.
Right,
Now I have that off my chest maybe I can stopping weeping at the slightest thing, i cannot go into work and blart, I will not get the job I am after, if I do, I need to show strength and my positive nature.
Maybe go shopping for the new size 10'clothes I can now fit into. I look skeletal naked but I can now where the fashionable clothes so that is the new me. Time to reinvent and enjoy.
There is always a bright side
Z
Xx
