Hello All
Unsure of where to start really, as a bit of background though;
My Dad was diagnosed with cancer 9 years ago, he was originally told he would only have a couple of years later but fought on. Unfortunately he passed away peacefully on 02/05/17. When he was originally diagnosed with cancer he decided to stop taking life for granted, We, as a family, did some incredible things and he really did live life to the full. And was spending a lot of time doing things with my Mum, things which she will treasure forever. Unfortunately in January this year he became paralysed due to a tumour on the lower part of his spine. Then 4 months later he passed away and I'm concerned for my mum.
She really isn't coping well. She has been with him since she was 16 and they have been married for 34 years. My Dad was only 57 when he passed away, my mum's 55, I'm 23 and my brother's 16. Mum is literally lost, she doesn't know what she is going to do with her life going forward, she keeps herself busy with playing golf, going to the gym and going out with her friends (of which she has a great circle of friends) but that will never compare to that fact that her husband, my dad, is no longer there for her. I am unsure of how to go about consoling her. Do I stay with her as much as possible?, Keeping her company? Doing things with her? Or do I act cruel to be kind and try and get her to cope on her own as much as possible? I took 3 weeks off work after my Dad passed away and I was with her every day trying to keep her company, when I went back to work I was so worried about how she was coping but I was telling myself that this is what was needed, to return to a sense of normality and hopefully my Mum would cope with being on her own. She does have her ups and downs, granted she constantly misses him but there are times when she falls apart, waking up in the night thinking he's there, reaching out to hold his hands when she's walking the dogs, Starting a conversation and realising he's not there to answer her.
I myself am doing ok, I've always been quite strong emotionally and will never show my emotions to anyone, I deal with the pain when I am on my own, but even then I don't really cry, not because I don't feel upset but because that is not what my Dad would want me to do. I'm unsure about my brother, we never talk about it, we merely talk about the memories, he, again, is not a emotional person and will show upset through the use of anger as opposed to breaking down and crying.
I also feel upset in the sense that my brother no longer has his father. I have been lucky in a way that I'm 23. My Dad has taught me to drive, took me out for my first drink for my 18th, celebrated my 21st. Done all the things which my brother will never experience and my heart breaks for him. I want to continue to be his brother and do the things that brothers do (mostly argue). However, now our Dad has gone do I step up to the plate and start to become a father figure to him? Or do I allow other's to step in and be there in that regard?
Hopefully someone out there has been through something similar.
Thanks
S
