So far, I've mainly blogged about singing and biking. This time, it's about the cancer situation. I have some palliative surgery soon, and I figured it might be good to record how things go.
I have cancer in my sinuses and behind my left eye. Since the cancer returned in 2015, the eye has gradually been pushed forward, losing its mobility. Because of increasing double vision problems caused by the eye's limited movement, since January 2017 I've resorted to covering it, either by a pirate-style eye patch, or an opaqued lens in my glasses.
Also since January 2017, my left cheek bone has become increasingly swollen. There's no pain, probably because the swelling has been gradual, but now, seven months later, the swelling is quite obvious. A recent MRI scan revealed the cheek bone has totally gone... the cancer has passed right through, so what I thought was swelling outside of the cheek bone is, in fact, all tumor. I guess the blood supply to the bone was hijacked by the tumor, and the bone simply crumbled and disolved away. No pain, other than an occasional twinge.
I only found out about the missing bone a few days ago. It was a real shock. Quite horrific, really. It's as if the cancer is slowly eating my face. Given that teh cancer is so entrenched in my sinuses, I can't help but wonder what other bony structures might disappear. For instance, the airway to my left nostril is full of tumor, so it might take the bone in that area.
I had surgery to remove the original oral cancer in 2011. When it returned in 2015 and I was told it is inoperable I didn't really feel any different about my life expectancy. This is because I also have depression (pre-dating the original cancer) and that tends to give me a limited perspective on the future (fairly often having suicidal thoughts). So, after the terminal diagnosis (1 year to ten) I continued to view the depression as the main life-limiting condition... that has now changed (see below).
I am scheduled to have two palliative ops in the near future:
Those two ops will certainly help and they're both fairly minor so I should recover quickly. However, the knowledge that the cancer in my cheek has disolved the bone (and the worry that it could do more similar damage) has completely changed the way I view the cancer vs depression. I see the cancer as a real death sentence and the major life-limiting health condition. My main worry is that the swelling will increase, distorting my face into something quite grotesque.
I have been offered more major palliative surgery to remove as much of the cancer as possible, but this would probably leave my face disfigured, and the recovery time would be months rather than weeks. Given my uncertain prognosis (a few months to a few years), I wouldn't want to spend what could be several months recovering from an op, unable to take part in social activities, particularly choir which I dearly love. But, if the cancer in my cheek breaks through the skin, will there be any option other than to have that major surgery?
I've always tried to stay optimistic and positive about my health situation, but it seems to have taken a definite turn for the worse since the start of 2017. While I still suffer depression with some very dark moods, it seems almost trivial alongside the threat now posed by the cancer.
I'll post an update in a month or so, after the surgery. Thanks for reading.
