Just Had 'The' Call

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

19 May 2017

Hi All,

I am at work this morning before going off for an ECG (pre-chemo) this afternoon and in the midst of all the chaos, I received the call giving me the date of my first chemo - it's Tuesday 30th May.

I had this sudden need to cry once I'd put down the phone and I want to dash off for a weekend in France for the Bank Holiday - one last hurrah! perhaps before life changes for a while. We have a friend's 50th to attend on the Saturday evening but I really don't feel in party mode. I think I just want to be with my husband in one of my favourite places watching the sun rise and set and drinking a few nice glasses of rose wine...

I had to blog right now because I'm also filled with rage again - stupid and senseless I know - but I feel so bloody angry that this is happening to me and I put on such a strong and brave face for everyone else that this seems to be the only place I can rant.

I'll just wait now for one of you to sensitively tell me to 'pull myself together!' And then life will continue - that school budget will be forwarded to team leaders, those overtime forms will be processed and the sickness absence will be sent to HR...

XXX

toxophilite over 6 years ago

Not going to tell you to "pull yourself together"!! Am going to tell you that what you are feeling is quite normal. A bit like the stages of grief. We all process these things differently, and at different times. Please rant away. It's perfectly ok, and we are happy to listen. Life does go on. But sometimes life has to wait for us to catch up. And that's ok too.

Good luck with your chemo.

Hugs xx
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FormerMember over 6 years ago

Thank you for your response - by the end of the day yesterday I had had my short hair cut shorter and then seeing how grey it had become, I bought a pinky colour dye and washed it in! I then insisted on going out for a sumptuous Italian meal and thoroughly enjoyed it!

I just can't help every now and again having this incredible sense of disbelief at life. I know I'm not alone and there are so many worse off than me - I only have to scroll though on here to see that - and I am determined to face this next step head on, so today I'm putting my best foot forward and picking up my beautiful 2-year-old granddaughter and keeping her overnight. That will cheer me up even more than my pink hair!

XXX
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FormerMember over 6 years ago

Good luck for next week. Hope you get through tuesday OK. X
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FormerMember over 6 years ago

Hope it went well today, Marie50. xx
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FormerMember over 6 years ago

A little awkward getting the needle in to start with and last chemo tube made my arm ache slightly but apart from that it went okay. Would be interested in pros and cons of PICC line if anyone has experiences they'd care to share.

xxx
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