So, on top of all the cancer stuff that's goingon - I also have PCOS, which is short for poly-cystic ovary syndrome. This is a condition that affects more women than they know it does, because often the symptoms aren't things that would normally get checked out. Instead, they are put down as just 'period issues'. Sorry gents, it's one of those sorts of posts! So a lot of women have it, and don't realise they have it - which isn't really an issue as there's no cure or treatment or anything really. It's a genetic mutation in your code, and tends to run in families even if it isn't directly passed down the line. However, it's the sort of mutation where there are a LOT of different symptoms and side effects, and so everyone who has it can have all sorts of different combinations.
For myself, I was diagnosed right after my 20th birthday - I got the news the day after I turned 20* - and at that point I was told I may never have kids. That's not a problem when you're barely 20, but definitely became more of a problem the older I became and I saw everyone around me getting married and having kids. And all I got was cancer! Anyways, the reason I had been investigated was because I had never started having a period. Nothing. Not a drop. Not a hormone out of place, or a mood swung. It was fabulous to be honest, and I was the envy of every woman I knew because of it. However, there's always got to be a flip side to anything good. I had two baddies making up for my one good; Hirsuitism and weight gain.
*I seem to have a thing about memorable dates. This, the surgery to remove my thyroid was on Valentine's Day, telling me I had a brain tumour on April Fool's Day, and I wonder what comes next! Definitely not tempting fate though thanks!
Hirsuitism - Basically excess hair growth. It is awful! Women are not 'supposed' to be hairy, and every image you ever see is of a perfectly smooth woman with no hair where it's not 'supposed' to be. You can cry photoshop, and yes, to an extent. But you walk around and look at other women, and you don't see any sign of stubble on their lips, chin, or jaw. There's no sign of waxing having taken place on their back, shoulders, or stomach. And their bums! Mine looks like the sort you'd see peeking out of blue jeans on a building site, not the sort of thing a woman is 'supposed' to have. The grand canyon between the cheeks, looks like the Amazon rain forest has been lifted and transplanted! Attractive huh?! This joy is all thanks to an excess of testosterone within me, and I have some of the highest my GP has ever seen in a woman. What an achievement to hold. My mother must be so proud. Self confience is not something Ihave any of because of this and a load of other things.
Weight gain - Fat. Hippo-like. Apple. Blob. And soooooo many other names that have been flung my way because of it all. The sad thing is, looking back at pictures, I actually looked nice. I'm tall for a woman at almost 6', and broad shouldered, so I can carry extra weight and still look good. In fact, I look better with a little extra weight than I would as a stick thin thing. But at the time, I just remember feeling hideous and disgusting, absolutely hating the way I looked and really struggling with it all. With PCOS, you gain weight much more easily than those without, and it generally goes on right around your middle giving you the 'apple' shape that's classed as unhealthy and puts you at risk of heart attacks and other joys. PCOS also makes it 3 times harder for you to lose weight than those who don't have it...... how to kick you when you're down huh?!
So to get the fabulousness of no periods and no 'time of the month' mood swings and cravings, I had to also get the two above. Hmmmmm. Was it worth it? Honestly? I never thought it was. I couldn't imagine that a period was really that bad each month when compared to looking like a Fat Bigfoot that Immac ran screaming from.That was, until I got cancer and started on the thyroxine. Apparently, my body doesn't like having its levels messed with. Not. One. Bit.
So here I am dealing with the fact I have cancer, going through three operations and a number of RAI treatments - and all the side effects that comes with. Then what does my body decide? "That's not enough for her to cope with. You know what she needs? Her first period at the age of 31"
:l
I can assure you, I really didn't need that. Not at all! *Checks the community guidelines* I'm not seeing anything about describing what happens, but as a warning, I'm going to describe a few things you might not want to know, so skip to the next paragraph if you don't want details............... have you gone? Are you still here? Don't say I didn't warn you................ It was AWFUL! Having never had a period before it was thick and blobby, full of clots that were a minimum of the size of a 50p piece and up. The sheer quantity as well, I think I would have bled less if someone had stabbed me and left me to bleed out as I was soaking through tampons and pads within half an hour. Honestly? I gave up. I just closed the curtains, folded up a couple of bath towels, and sat on them on the couch and just let it flow. The mood swings hit me like a brick wall, and I could be laughing one minute and crying the next. Cravings too, I wanted to eat EVERYTHING in sight and as soon as I saw it it was rammed in my mouth ASAP! And what is this about how many days it's supposed to last? How it slowly builds up, and then fades away. Who wrote that?! You know how many days my first one lasted for? No? Neither do I. By the third MONTH of continuous flow, I was giving up the will to live. I felt like a leper, I felt disgusting, I felt dirty, like I just couldn't get clean. It was horrendous!
I'm not going to lie, all of the above freaked me out. Having never gone through it before and only having word of mouth, the internet, and my own common sense - the same common sense that was being addled by hormones - to go on, Iwas worried. None of it seemed normal, and some of it seemed dangerous and just wrong. So I called the NHS 24 line as I'd got myself into a bit of a state and explained what was going on, and apologised profusely for probably wasting her time. I've no idea if she was, but Icould hear the smirk in her voice as she reassured this emotional 31 year old that everything I was experiencing was within the lines of normal, and it was nothing to worry about. Shellshocked. Completely, and utterly, shellshocked. I think I dealt with the news I had cancer better than I dealt with being told that for women everywhere, some or all of what I was going through was classed as normal. And they did this on average, once a month.
Awwww, hell no!
Right then and there my viewpoint switched. I understood why all these women on my life who discovered I wasn't affacted by periods and the hormones that come with them for 30 years of my life were so very jealous. Though, it didn't really seem right that I was laughed at when I shared with them what was happening to me, that I was told that it was 'about time', and that I'd finally know what it was to be a real woman, or that this was 15 or so years of periods, all rolled into one. Not really what you're looking for when the pain from your cancer is being made worse by the back pain and cramps of a period you've never experienced before.
And then it vanished. As suddenly as it had arrived, it went. Aunt Flo had LEFT the building! But in her absence, was the wonder as to whether or not she would return again. Had she popped in for a stay for a few months, found it to her liking and so planned to return? Or had she psychologically scarred me enough with her one visit that another wouldn't be required? No-one knew.
The oncologist had never had a patient with all of my issues before, and so had no experience with the thyroid affecting the reproductive cycle, so the only help she could offer was referring me to the endocrinology team. They had a poke and a prod with a couple of ultrasounds, one externally and one internally - ow - and reassured me that the cysts on my ovaries hadn't grown and weren't looking like they were about to pop. Blood tests were done and once more my testosterone levels were remarked upon curiously. I was given tablets to try and help with the excess weight and the manly hair growth. And they agreed that this was probably brought on by all of the operations, medications, and radioactivity my body had been going through. The levels had all been knocked and my body wasn't sure what it was doing. So all I had to do was 'ride the wave' - wow, that conjures up some horrible images. Stop imagining! Stop it! Save yourself....... It was too late wasn't it? Sorry. (Not really sorry, I suffered, so should you. ;) )
And so off I toddled with my medicationand for two years I took it.......... and found it no help at all! In fact, things were a little worse. The periods didn't come like the books say they will. There was no schedule, no timetable they followed that you could guess at, they danced to the beat of a drum only they could hear. (I feel like that's a quote from somewhere?) None of them have ever been as bad as that first one thank goodness! But their irregularity makes them irritating, and I need to carry a tampon with me at all times just in case - which is probably something most women do all the time, but this is still new to me! BUT! There was something else there too! If I stood for too long, or walked too far, or lifted something heavier than one tin of beans..... or just because I blinked too fast.... The very next day I would have a light bleed of bright and fresh blood for a few hours, and then it was gone. I figured this was something others dealt with, so suffered through it. Until just last year I mentioned it in passing to my GP and she said it was interesting I said that while being on Spiranolactone. Turns out, that's a side effect of it! Well, I immediately stopped taking it! Because stuff that!!!!!! Funnily enough, within 3 or so months, the random bleeding had stopped and I was left with the even more random periods!
Why am I bringing all of this up just now? Well, I've come off my thyroxine ready for RAI in a couple of weeks...... which means all of my hormone levels are in flux once more...... so guess what? Yup! My uterus is kicking me while I'm down, and I've just had/am having (cause you never know with me, it vanishes for a few days then pops right back up again sometimes!) another period, and I can't stop crying at the stupidest of emotional things on TV or in books, or even just in my head. So come on now hormones!!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
