I'm sure there are a few single folks out there, both old and young alike, as well as those of us in the middle somewhere. I'm also sure, that everyone is single for very different reasons to one another that cover the full spectrum of emotions and circumstances. I'm also sure, that we're all bombarded every single day with images and messages that tell us that being alone is wrong, and that we need another person there in our lives to feel complete, to be seen as a success. Well, I'd like to know why? Why does our ability to find someone, to keep them, and live out our lives with them matter to anyone but us?
I was having a chuckle at my psych appointment the other day, because she was talking about primitive man and what he'd have needed to have survived. I came up with food, shelter, and other people - but the other people was purely a practial thing. That having others meant a division of labour, and a more successful hunting party. But she'd taken my answer to mean companionship and the continuation of the species. I hadn't even thought of companionship as being something necessary to survive - not from another human at least. That's why I have cats! They give me more joy than any human ever has done before in my life.
And yet, sometimes, I do feel like I should have someone else there in my life. More often than not it's a practical thing, where I want someone who will compliment me by being able to do the things I can't. Especially just now with being ill and all that comes with it. Having someone else who could do the housework, the cooking, the shopping, the practical things would be amazing. But then, that's not really wanting someone for them. That's more like wanting staff. >.> Probably not the best reason to go into the whole world of dating that one huh? But then there are those times when you feel like a burden to your friends, or the third wheel at gatherings, or the failure at family events. Then you begin to wonder what exactly is wrong with you and why no-one wants you asa partner? Why can't you find someone? And then you want someone special, someone who would be there for you, and would care for you, and whom you could care for in return. Someone who you wouldn't feel like a burden to when you had things to talk about and unload, and someone who would be able to unload to you without fear of judgement or irritation. And again, that's where you wonder - but why does no-one want me?
Then, certainly for me, you realise you're not in your teens anymore. You're not even in your 20's anymore. And you've got baggage - boy do you have baggage. Everything has moved on, or more accurately, online. Attitudes have changed, for the worse imo. And you're totally at a loss as to what's going on out there, and feel like a complete dinosaur. In essence, and in theory, I have absolutely no problems with online dating. I'm signed up to a site, I have some pics up, I have my profile all filled out, and I get messages from folks here and there..... a lot less frequently since I decided to put the fact I have cancer up onto my profile, but that''s a good thing. It means - supposedly - that the folks that message me can see beyond that and are willing to get to know me regardless. It's a lot LOT easier than getting to know someone, then trying to find the right time to drop that bombshell into the conversation, only to watch them run for the hills. Saves a lot of time and feelings from getting hurt.
My issue with online dating, or perhaps it's modern dating in general?, is the disposable nature people seem to have adopted towards others. As well as the overtly sexual overtones of EVERYTHING. In the years I've been doing online dating, I've had 3 relationships with people I've met on the site I'm on. And every single one of those ended with me being 'ghosted'. For those not knowing what that phrase means, it's where a person just vanishes without a word. There's no break up, there's no goodbye, they just stop replying to messages and calls, and vanish without a trace. Now I'm sorry, but that's just rude, and completely unsatisfactory - especially when there was no indication of any issues that I was aware of. You're just left wondering why, and you're never going to get an answer. The same thing happens when you're just messaging people, but that's a little more understandable and acceptable I think. Though a 'sorry, this isn't working for me' wouldn't go amiss, but it's different when it's a face to face, seeing each other regularly relationship.
Then there's the whooooooooooooole issue of unsolicited pics. Since when did it become 'ok', and 'socially acceptable' to flash people and expose yourself to them - so long as it's done via technology? You do that on the street, your bum will be put in prison and you'll go on a list. You do that online or via text/messaging service and it's fine. Ummmmm, no. No it's not. I do NOT want to wake up in the morning to a video on my phone that has auto downloaded thanks very much. When did this become ok?! Seriously!! And the fact that he couldn't understand why I'd blocked him just made it worse, because he seriously and honestly didn't see why what he had done was a problem. Apparently I should have been flattered....... Nope! I think disgusted was closer to what I was feeling this morning tbh.
So now I'm back to the 'I've given up trying' mindset. I'm not stereotypically beautiful. I'm fat. I have cancer. I'm not interested in 'lad banter', or whatever they try and call that rubbish behaviour that's encouraged on these reality shows. I'll happily stay single for now, and enjoy my nights in with my cats.
Crazy Cat Lady forever! <3
