A Year On

Hello Margaret. I had extensive surgery followed by a month of radiotherapy for mouth cancer three years ago. I'm afraid it can take a long time for the body to recover from the various treatments. Although I didn't have chemo, the radiation was very bad and made me quite ill - my mouth is only just showing signs of trying to heal from the burns. But I felt tired and achey for a long time afterwards - still do to a degree. It's a case of taking it easy and trying not to worry about it. Feeling down is natural because you have been through so much and I think that every cancer patient must feel weepy and insecure someway along the road to recovery. My family also try to make things as back to normal, but they won't ever forget about the cancer. Maybe it's their way of coping with the after-effects of the trauma ? Margaret, you are not being pathetic as we all have our down days and need to have a moan about it all - it does get better ! Take care and best wishes. Love, Joycee xx

Hi Margaret,

There is no need to apologise on this site. We have all been through the ups and downs. Remember you are not alone we are Family and we are here for eachother. If you want to moan,moan as much as you like. If you want to talk or roar and shout and scream, do it. again we have all done it. But remember tomorrow is going to be a GOOD DAY.!!!!!!!!!!!.    Look after yourself .

Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Sarsfield.xx

Margaret,

              What your experiencing is not uncommon.  What you have is a communication problem.  You can feel lonely in a crowd at times.

It is likely you are somewhat responsible because as we go through the treatment and recovery we all tend to reassure others that we are feeling okay.  

As we return to "normality" and give the appearance of looking "normal" so others believe we are back to our old selves, when that is not the case..

However, the body takes time to adjust and the psychological effects take even longer to overcome.  It is possible you may have tried too hard to give the appearance of normality and your old self and others have put it behind them.

You also need to understand that your husband will have also found your illness to be a very stressful and lonely time, especially if you have other family.

What you need to do is tell your husband exactly how you feel and let him know.  It is possible that he too shares your fears but is not saying so.

If after speaking to your husband you are still experiencing depression (which is quite normal) then you need to see your GP and arrange some medication or counselling.

Don't bottle up your feelings, it will destroy you.

Do your best to occupy your day, plan days out with your husband, find a hobby, get in touch with family, infact, do anything but not think about cancer.  

I've had high grade cancer three times in the past 12 years so I think I understand your feelings.

I hope this messsage helps,  Pete

Hi Margaret

Try not to be so hard on yourself.  I was diagnosed with Bone cancer may 2010 and compared to most I had an easy cancer journey, operation to remove cancer and that was it, well apart from learniing to walk again and ten weeks off work.  I was taken by surprise how much my anniversary would affect me.  I had flash backs of the previous year and each date of tests, diagnosis and operation etc were replayed hour by hour.  I feel the same as the others family and friends dont want to talk about the cancer they just want to forget  and move on but I still want and need to talk about my cancer.  I dont ever want to forget how lucky I am and how proud I am of how I coped during this nightmare time.  Even doctors expect you to move on and get back to normal but I dont feel normal will ever be the same as it was before cancer enterd my life.  I strongly feel that there should be some kind of survivors programme for people who are living after cancer because we need to be heard and understood with people that have gone through a similiar journey.  Hope this message helps and you are able to gain some comfort that you are not alone in how you feel and those feelings are common and normal.

take care

regards Diane x

Hi Margaret, I can assure you you are not alone in your feelings. I have felt like you and so have many others on here.

When we finish treatment it's actually a bit of an anti-climax. We go through all the treatment being looked after by everybody and feel comforted that there is always someone at the end of a phone if we need help etc, then, suddenly, all that stops! We can feel cast adrift all of a sudden.

You will begin to feel more confident as time goes on I promise.

I think also that we don't have time to consider all that is happening as treatment is going on. We focus solely on getting better, then when this stops we are faced with the reality of the situation and it can hit you like a sledgehammer.

Like Diane says your feelings are completely normal.

Best wishes, Christine xx