Today is Sal's CT prep day ahead of radiotherapy starting next week. I had been due to go with her as I have all her other appointments but instead I'm at the office - but with good reason. I think I've been guilty of being more than a little self-absorbed, of not seeing past her, myself and my kids and in doing so lost sight of how many people this has all affected.
When I got home from work last night and asked her about timings and travel plans for today I sensed there was something she wasn't saying - until she mentioned that she'd been speaking to her mum. It was at this point the penny dropped and I realised that her mum had wanted to go with her today but I obviously had my mind so set on how I wanted to do things that I'd overlooked that possibility. I've got so caught up in being in 'control' of the situation, of touching all the bases, that I've neglected that other people in her life need to offer some more tangible support than just words.
Her appointment is in an hour or so - and I'm still a little sad that I won't be there - but that's tempered by the fact that I think I've learnt something important here - and hopefully I'll be a little more considerate of others' needs in future.
On the upside of coming into work when I wasn't expecting to be I had a productive meeting with my (very supportive) bosses and we're looking at ways that I can do more work from home so that I can be there when I need to be. I think I'm going to count this day as a 'good one' - some lessons learnt, some progress made.
Lastly, I want to thank all those who responded to my first post yesterday - I fully intend to thank each individually, but I'm writing this in my lunch hour and that's pretty much over now.
To any reading this now, stay safe and my sincere wishes are that the day gives you reason to smile
FormerMember
Hi Vin,
I don't know how well you get on with your mother-in-law but how great to have someone to share the responsibilities and worries with - someone who loves your wife and also wants to have input in her care. Your wife may be able to be more open with her mother. I know I don't want to load everything onto my husband despite the fact we are incredibly close. I'm sure your mother-in-law will be a wonderful support.
Hi Vin - Hope your wife's appt went ok today, I'm very close to my mum, and although my husband came (and still comes) with me to every single appt, she has been brilliant in keeping the home fires burning. When I was in hospital and my husband was visiting me every day, she came here every afternoon, took the dogs for a walk, did some cleaning and washing (I'm afraid I don't have a domestic God for a husband) and cooked a proper dinner for him and my son all ready to put in microwave when they got home. We don't know what we'd do without her. She still cooks lovely meals for us if we've been at hospital all day. She said 'I'd do anything to make it easier for you both'. Brought tears to our eyes.
hi vin ,it show's how much you love sal that you can share her with others in her life at this & any other time that in my book shows how connected you & sal are & how much you love her with each other . all the best to sal & yourself & family & friends love n hugs theresa xxx
and we all aspire to be well-balanced. I could identify with your account entirely. I loved your descrption and interpretation of your day; you put it perfectly.
Thanks for your words, Jeannie. I have a good friend in my mother-in-law and she has a unique insight into things having fought breast cancer for the last 10 years (she's five years clear this month). She works hard to be supportive without being intrusive and manages that balance very well and there hasn't been a day lately where I haven't counted my blessings for her calmness and support.
