Not sure what I'm expecting to post here. Am still at the early stages, i.e. four or five weeks, after Sal's (my partner) diagnosis and still struggling to take it all in (the background to where we find ourselves today is in my profile). I guess I'm hoping to find some avenue of expression that helps me to continue presenting a brave front and keeping things positive and stable for my kids, my partner's family and close friends - all the people that have been affected by the last couple of weeks, maybe gain some insight into how I can do things better or get advice from reading and talking to others who have so much more experience than me.
Anyway, I'll post more when I can put my thoughts a little more coherently. Tomorrow is the CT prep before Sal starts her radiotherapy treatment next week, and I'm going with her so perhaps I'll post after that.
Welcome to the site and I hope you receive some help and support from the members. It must be very hard trying to be upbeat and positive all the time. It is a shame that in our culture men are supposed to do the whole 'stiff upper lip' thing; men should be encouraged to let go and have a good cry. I hope you can take the opportunity to find some quiet time and bawl your eyes out - it won't make anything better but it will make YOU feel better. Your partner may welcome you showing your emotions and you can hold each other close. You will need an outlet otherwise you'll fall apart. You've certainly made the right move by joining us and do feel free to write about how you feel - if you feel angry tell us about it - writing things down is very cathartic.
Welcome and sorry to hear about your partners diagnosis. I agree with Kate although keeping to a routine is good and maintains normality, you do need a release we all do. Have read your profile and I think we have all felt anger, despair, shock and fear, but we have also had fun and enjoyed things.
There is a wealth of support on here and everyone has a different perspective. This is just the place if you are feeling low or want to moan or just chat.
speaking from the other side of the fence, so to speak, i understand how hard this is for you, my own husband struggles to get his head round whats happening to me, unfortunately he isn`t so good at disguising it,he was in the army 20 yrs brave and bold, my hero but its different when its your loved ones, weve been happily married 30 yrs, the only avice i can give you is keep comming on here it does help cos you can tell us all the things that you cant tell her or your kids and extended family. if you try the chat dont be put off if its too quick or that we all seem to know each other, (we dont you just make friends quickly here) cos everyone is kind and there are men and women, going through exactly the same as you, you are not alone, and sometimes when you least expect it you can laugh, even at the black humour, it keeps us sane, if even for a little while. good luck liz x
I find the only way to cope, for me, is to take each day as it comes. When Peter started on this 'experience' I'd just sit quietly beside him, if he wants to speak we will if he doesn't I just sit reading which is good for both of us. I try to work on the house when he is showering, shaving or sleeping so he doesn't feel awful that he cannot help me. There is a calm atmosphere in the house and so far in the last 6 months it has helped. Mind you we don't have children around now but when our youngest granddaughter is here it takes our mind of ourselves anyway! I think keeping calm makes everyone around you feel confident. It might be worth a try anyway! You will get to know what is right or wrong at any given time and how to deal with it! Just enjoy the day for what it is!
All wise words, Kate, and thank you for them. I'm blessed with an relationship that has always been very 'open' as far as communication. Sometimes this has resulted in some humdinger rows, but most times it's made for a very close, honest and loving thing. I think now probably more than ever, we need to keep that that openness and honesty.
