Hi, my name is Vikkie I’m 24 and an only child to my amazing parents Lynne and Peter. I’m just trying to understand everything a little bit better, if that’s possible. My mum was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer a few years ago at stage 2b, she underwent radio & chemotherapy and came out fighting at the other side! Last year I found out me and my boyfriend was expecting our first child but towards the end of my pregnancy my mum seemed to get very weak and frail and lost around 2/3 stone in wait, constantly being sick, not being able to eat and constantly collapsing. 12 days before I give birth to our beautiful baby boy I had to rush my mum to my local hospital and in the first 24 hours she had 12 litres of fluid, my mum was in hospital for 22 days. She was over the moon to see her grandson for the first time. From then my mum has been in and out of hospital so much, having to go into isolation as she is too weak and can pick up any type of infection, she got so weak she couldn’t hold my son with no explation as to what was wrong. Earlier this year her consultant said that her Lymthnods were quite swollen and the best thing for her was 8 sessions of chemotherapy which would make her even weaker and very poorly. Mum being the brave person that she is agreed to it as she could see the end in sight knowing she would be better for my wedding in July and to enjoy her grandchild. Mum got worse, the chemo was so aggressive as it stood 2 days before my wedding to the man of my dreams she was still in hospital, we cancelled our honeymoon and debated on what we should do about the wedding but as my mum told me, nothing on the planet would have stopped her being there proud as anything and the hospital let her out. She was fantastic, amazing, like a different women to the women who had been fading away from me and my dad. My makeup artist was a chief makeup artist on Coronation St so my mum felt like a true star with her makeup and hair! She was so amazing and I don’t know between us who was the most proud!
Mum finished her 8 sessions in September, and everyone was so excited that she was going to be getting better but 2 weeks ago she was rushed in to hospital as she couldn’t walk, hardly breath and was in so much pain and distress, the doctors confirmed that her kidneys were leaking, along with fluid collecting on her liver, heart and lungs! Luckily most things corrected itself and the fluid went off her liver and heart but after an x-ray they discovered one of her lungs had a number of clots in, but the lung the collapsed. No doctors could make sense of the x-rays and her consultant described it as a pile of mess! Mum had a stent placed in her last week and the doctors have talc her lung to the wall to stop any more fluid collecting. I went to see her last night and took my son to see her as he has just turn one but she was in hospital so missed his birthday, both the eyes lit up the second they saw each other and Ellis (my son) grabbed her so tight and give her a big kiss and hug .. it was heartbreaking! My mum and dad sat me and my husband Tim down and told us its Lung Cancer, and that her consultant was initially going to start chemo but now he is unsure as he wants my mum to enjoy what time she has left.
I’m left feeling so confused and hurt right now, she’s just turned 42, she can’t walk, and she is on permanent oxygen and morpheme. The consultant won’t give her a time frame, but I’m guessing it’s not long?! The most heartbreaking thing is that she said to me is that Ellis will never remember who she is or she will never meet anymore of her grandchildren. She’s not just my mum but my best friend to, we speak like 20 times a day on the phone to each other always ending in I love you ... I’m going to be lost without her and I can’t even begin to think how my dad is coping (well I know not very well but they’re both so proud to shout out and ask for help) him and my mum are soul mates!
So this is me in a nutshell, you help, guidance and advice would be so so so much appreciated right now as I’m really struggling in my head and my heart
Thanks Vikkie xx
FormerMember
hi vikkie
i have been crying as i read your blog its heartbreaking, i dont really have much advice only spend as much time as you can and do what you can for your mum which i am sure you are going to do anyway it is going to be difficult for you with a little one i know. Please reassure her that your son will always remember her as you will talk often with him about her and of course any other children that you have. Its horrible i know as i lost my mum 6 years ago to lung cancer. Just want to send you and your family loads of love and strength .........love caz
I also have tears in my eyes after reading your blog. How very sad for all of you. I'm so sorry that your lovely mum has had to go through so much but what a brave lady to get to your wedding! It's memories like these that you will be able to share with Ellis, plus lots of photo's of happier days when you were younger with your mum. I can't even begin to understand how your poor dad must be suffering too in all of this, at the thought of losing his soul mate, and so young too.
There's nothing anyone can do to make you feel better but just be here for you when you feel the need to scream and shout at how unfair all this is. We will be with you all the way.
Sending you lots of love and a big hug (and a gentle one for mum, bless her).
Oh Vikkie, my heart is reaching out to you. I lost my mom to cancer, but not so rapidly and dramatically as you have described, and my children were old enough to enjoy her and her them. She was one of my best friends as well and I can't tell you how many times I reached and picked up the phone to call her after she passed. Even though she was with me for months at the end, I still reached for the phone after she was gone. It was hard. I don't know if this will help you perpetuate her memory for your baby, but I put a Christmas eve present under the tree for my whole family from my mother "Grandi". We all love it. She always bought us christmas jammies so we would look nice for pics the next morning since I was a kid and then an adult and for my children as well. She died in November and I didn't know how everyone would take it, including my sis and her son, as it was still so raw. They all hugged me and hugged me. The kids were screaming, "Its Pajamas! Its Pajamas!" and thought it was the coolest thing ever, so we have kept it going. I imagine a generation or two down the road some will say, "So WHO is Grandi?" and so it will go. My thoughts are with you. All the best, Lori
PS The personal thing I do, is once in a while I wear her favorite perfume. I don't generally wear perfume, but when I do, its hers. It just does something special for me.
hi hun i lost my mum day and bro inlaw all in 7 weeks how did i cope i just dont no i take each day at a time . may be talk to dad and mum ask her what she like when the time comes.say what songs and what flowers things like this will help u as you can do it the way your mum will like as for you son save some sent of your mums and some photo with her in it and may be a top or ring or things like this so when he biger he can think of her and may be the same for you to . time will help you . take one day at a time or ever one hour at a time love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx jilly ann xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
In a way, it is a comfort that your dad and mum can support each other in this so difficult time. She has been so strong to hang on through your pregnancy, your wedding and your son's early days. Some people have to forgo that.
You can only do what everyone else has suggested. Be close, give her your love and thanks for all she has done, promise to look after your dad for her. Save up happy times, and even now there will be happy times when you are close and your little boy shares his love with her. My father's last few weeks were so happy in the bosom of the family he loved so much.
I am sure Ellis will always remember her. He knows she is special and has always shown her his love. Let him see her as much as she wants. If he seems afraid, she won't want him to see her. Always tell him about her, and encourage your father to talk about her. It will be good for both of them. Remembering someone and talking about them is such a balm for sorrow, because you remember the best of them. Not always when they were young and beautiful, but often when you last saw them and the beauty of their soul shone through.
