What about everyone else around me? Advice from the bedside.
2 minute read time.
FormerMember
I have read a few blogs from people worried about and caring for those with cancer to get some clues and I need to know how to treat those people in my life to make this easier on them. I have just been diagnosd with NHL but know nothing about mine apart from that I will need chemo and radio therapy and possibly a bone marrow transplant. First things first I will be getting a new hip after breaking mine just before xmas. I've been in pain since August, sometimes chronic, at first I just wanted the sympathy because I was having a lousy time so thought I should milk it while I got the opportunity. Then when I was in constant excruciating pain from fracturing my hip I started to become very aware of the impact on others. Now I am in very little pain but I have cancer, while everyone else was off being the first in my school year to get married, have a baby or start their own business, as far as I know I am the first to have cancer (I suppose statistically i should be thankful that by the age of 28 I am the only one).
I don't know my full diagnosis yet so I think my naivity may be leading to my "bravery" and so I told everyone through the wonder of facebook and text messages but now I realise how inconsiderate i have been towards people for breaking the news in such an impersonal way. I had a nurse visit me who, when i said I may have cancer, said that it is important that I prioritise myself and if I want to shout then shout and if I want to cry then cry no matter who is around. Is this not just selfish?
Also, my brother is my first port of call when I have received any results, even though I am having to live with my parents, so he has been taking the full force of the gravity of each revelation - should I be taking more time to ingest things before blurting them out to him? Should I transfer this weight to someone who doesn't have to comfort my parents as well?
So any relatives, partners or close friends of cancer patients please tell me how you feel and tell me the things you wish you could have said when they were having a bad day. I know that when chemo starts I am not going to have much control over this but I've got at least a month until that starts to practise and boy with my temprament I need the practice!!!
I hope all of your loved ones are now well or on the road to wellness and give my love to the outside world... I miss it!
FormerMember
The only thing I would say being one of those people that you are after - is honesty, affection, and tell them you love them every day.
Also talk to them about worst case scenario's .
I do feel for you annd your family - you did not mention if you have a partner........................
I say these things because in my case everything was unexpected and within a very short time my partner was on machines and no longer conscious. and no he did not make it so i know what i would like to have changed in hindsight if i could have.
He was worried about burdening me with things - his brother told me this after he died. Hence let them know everything you feel or need.
Because when he did actually fall sick it was sooo bad, i was not able to get a cuddle back much cause we were both concerned about him, and never really thought that he would actually die.
and he never wanted to talk about worst case scenario's - it happened and i was left to make that awful decision all on my own to turn his machines off. yes i did know him for a very long time and 'knew' but i would have had some direction to follow.
He was a very full on bloke and to have him in hospital for chemo was like watching a caged wild tiger - so do think of others - ultimately they cannot help you apart from being there
i hope that helps - i can not say much more as it is really painful for me.
I read your blog with interest,I too wondered what to do with my small select group of friends and,seeing as I have always been honest all my life,I thought why change now.
I told everyone close,except my disabled son and disabled ex wife simply because they have enough in life without grieving for 9 months?and then grieving at the end.
My friends so wanted to be a part of it all,but didn't want to disturb me during tireing,traumatic treatment times,so I suggested a online blog,because I always used my pc as a soulmate confidánt and a journal to get it off my chest.
So... I ressurected an old profiled blog from dating site days,and formed a new journal (blog).
I was suprised how it helped not only me AND my friends,but strangers who were also scared of the dreaded C and not knowing how to talk or get answers,or even ask loved ones whats happening in treatment rooms when a door closes,or should you feel like this and that.
I think you might find it helps everyone,it saves them feeling awkwards AND it helps YOU putting it in writing.
If you are interested in the idea,you are more than welcome to look at mine,but dont forget,blogs open at the last entry,so you have to go down to the end (which is page one) lol
