Today its three months since my step-dad died. That's 13 weeks since we held his hand as he reached the end of his journey. So how are we doing? Well, Mum is doing amazingly well. She has even been out to a couple of functions that she would normally have attended with him - and the fact that she coped, and enjoyed it, has given her confidence a real boost. She has a little colour back in her cheeks, and may even have regained a bit of weight. She has told me that she still wakes up and thinks she hears him struggling for breath, but apart from that she is managing her new life with incredible bravery and composure.
As for me - I'm told I've been bottling things up, being strong for others and maybe not grieving properly. Being under pressure at work doesn't help, but I have many things to be grateful for so I'm not grumbling. What's a few sleepness nights and IBS compared with what so many of you are living with?
But here's my dilemma - should I stay part of this online community or not? Am I holding on to the past by continuing to contribute - or can I really help others (as they have helped me) by posting sympathetic messages and words of comfort, sharing my experiences in the hope that others wil find them helpful? I have 'met' so many wonderful and inspiring people (Kezzerbird, Drew, Debs, Sarsfield, Graham and Jenni to name but a few) that part of me is reluctant to leave. But some of the stories are heartbreaking and make me re-live the emotions I felt in the months up to his death.
In the words of the song (I'm showing my age now) 'should I stay or should I go'.
As ever, your advice will be welcomed. Love to you all, Val X
