Uncertain times

I'm sorry to learn of your husband's cancer - I do not have personal experience of dealing with this form of disease but I can assure you that being told to 'be positive', however well-meaning, can indeed be annoying - we all know that everything seems better if we always are upbeat - but it is human to have downtimes! As for telling you that your husband's cancer is the best one to have - well I guess it is meant in the sense that there are visible signs to investigate as opposed to the 'silent' cancers - I was told my breast cancer was one of the best to develop for such reasons - although it does not mitigate the shock to the system but survival rates are amongst the best out of the myriad of cancers possible - at least so I am given to understand.

As for informing your daughters - I think this is a very personal matter only you and your husband can truly guage - my eldest daughter has accompanied me on every hospital visit so has shared my situation with me and we told my youngest (also adult) from the first inklings that it was not mastitis or a benign hardness that it would appear I had cancer (aggressive) - the degree to how much knowledge they felt able to cope with was demonstrated through their ensuing questions and talks as to how to best plan for the long months ahead. I know that I would feel far more alone and confused without their love and support in full knowledge - but that is my family - there is no hard 'right' or 'wrong' way in dealing with this horrible illness, just what is right for you and yours.

I don't know whether any of the above is of help to you but I do wish you, your husband and your daughters all the very best.

xx  

I don't know how serious your husbands illness is. I was given the bad news last Wednesday and yes along with my wife and family, I am frightened and worried. I also find the "You'll be alright" and "be positive"  advice annoying. How the hell do they know? If you think about it, people don't really know what to say when you tell them, do they?

Having just joined this community and on reading the forum contributions, I am feeling much more confident that I can cope with the treatment. I would encourage your husband to read the forum contributions here.

Both my parents had cancer and now I am in a similar situation. I definately want to know the whole truth. How else am I to prepare myself for what is to come and to make arrangements for the future whatever that may be. My parents knew the whole truth and that at least enabled us to talk about it and say our goodbuys when the time came.

I hope this helps you at an extremely frightening and worrying time.

Best wishes,

Bill

Hi, I'm so sorry your husband has been diagnosed with this horrendous illness.

Personally, I prefer to know everything because I think the fear of the unknown is worse and the imagination can go into overdrive.

As for people telling you to be positive. I can understand your frustration regarding this. I found it annoying that people would say, "Oh well, you look well". Maybe I did, but I felt bloody awful inside, but I think people are trying to be upbeat and be positive for you. One thing I would like to point out though is something I have commented on another post tonight, is that a book I read regarding studies of cancer treatments and outcomes done all over the world showed that at the end of the day, one common conclusion that every study showed was that the people who are most positive about their illness had the best survival rates.

I think also that when people say prostate cancer is one of the best cancers to have they probably mean in terms of survival rates. That is only my opinion of course.

I wish your husband all the very best for the future and hope it all turns out well.

Best wishes, Christine xx

Well thanks to you all for your comments, it is wonderful to hear others point of view, as sometimes you do feel alone, even in company. My husband and myself are trying to pick ourselves up and I do think that being upbeat is better, its just that its really hard to hear that your completely natural feelings of despair at the diagnosis outset is somehow making matters worse. I know that people on this site do understand this perspective. We got our prognosis (I say "our" because our lives are so entwined) on Thursday, it wasn't great but we also know that sometimes people do beat the odds. Thankfully one of the people on this site has the pretty much the same grade and stage of prostrate cancer and has survived 5 years and that is uplifting news for us. Yes, 1 in 3 do seem to manage that but this includes a wide range of cancer stages - still any chance is a good one.

Right now my husband has the flu and a chest infection,probably not specially related to the cancer, but the doctor saw him really quickly and told us to call an ambulance if things got worse. Funny how all that stuff changes with a cancer diagnosis really. However I think this is because of the chances of getting pneumonia from the chest infection/flu and I am grateful for the medical support.

I went back to work yesterday after a month's sick leave and it is amazing that I can actually think of something else -  it is good to be back to some semblance of normality (notwithstanding having to come straught back due to the flu etc noted above!).

Thankfully I can work from home so I feel that I can manage everything ok at the moment.

Still trying to figure out exactly what to tell the girls, but at the moment we haven't burdened them with the worst case scenario - though they can work it out if they want to as the information is there.

Hoping you are all well today and thanks again for the feedback, xxx