I’m near the end of a metastasis chemotherapy treatment and my bravado is long gone, replaced by the despair created by the internal and external side effects left in its wake. They are in my awaken or sleeping mind, my psyche, in my skin, in my joints, in my nervous system, in my taste buds, in the horrible things I feel and say, in the sudden uncontrollable anger vomited towards those physically closed (unsurprisingly, the loved ones) and which I only realise I did - again - when the damage is already done, in my inability to recognise or relate to that which the mirror now reflects….. Intrusively, they made themselves at home while I was gradually disappearing from the world out there, as if everything else no longer made sense.
Just saying…. I know the world is out there. It’s just a matter of time and a better moment and I’m back to it again.
