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Hugs Kate,

You obviously love your partner very much to be thinking so much of how he will cope and hoping he will eventually find someone else.  I feel it is important to tell your partner that you would like him to eventually do this - but not rush into things and take the first available person.  Hopefully he will receive a lot of support via friends and family.

As for cleaning up your stuff as you put it - Equipment gets collected so he just has to notify the people who supplied this. It might be easier if you tell him what you want done with your personal items.  It is so much easier for him to pack up stuff say for a named charity of your wishes than feel he is emptying out everything.  Your more valuable stuff should be included in your will.  If he is the executor it makes things so much simpler.  Photos are more difficult - perhaps he could keep what he wants and the rest be offered to family.  Think of the things he would have to dispose of and make a list - with advice as to what he should do with them will make it so much easier for him knowing he is carrying out your wishes.  You have realised the birds will be a burden - have you thought of contingency plans if they get too much for him.  Again, it is something on which he will need guidance.  Do you have someone who will come over now and go through bits with you if this needs doing.

It must be very upsetting thinking that you might not see a friend again ((((((((((((Kate))))))))))))  Try to fill every moment the best way possible and I hope they get your some decent pain relief.  I would mention now and see if you can get more relief - do not wait until next month.

Jan xx

Hi Kate,

First I do understand where you are coming, and just wanted to say despite the obvious pain you are feeling I though your story was very inspiring. None of your thoughts that you have expressed include any self pity but are so full of love for your partner and think he is a very lucky person to have shared your life. the sort of emotions you have shared with us on here can never exist in a vacuum and I am certain that all that you feel for him is returned by him in kind.

We all cope with our DX in different ways, maybe the most positive aspect I can highlight is that every person in this world starts to die from the day they are born, some are granted less time than others and there is no fairness to it. We cannot change what happened yesterday, No one is ever promised a tomorrow, all anyone has is today and we need to grab it with both hands and live it. In some way the fact we get DX with Cancer is a real wake up call, a reminder we are all mortal and that none of will live forever.

Others who are healthy never get that call, they wander through life and never realise time is slipping away, being wasted until its too late. We on the other hand have a chance to prepare, to put our affairs in order, to build bridges with friends we have lost contact with or hurt in the past. We get to tell the people we love just how special they are and what they mean to us, the difference they have made to our lives and the fact they have inspired us to reach out to live our dreams.

Maybe we cannot all find a cure, but these days there is no excuse for anyone to be left to suffer in physical pain, the emotional pain is enough for any off us too suffer.

Good luck to you and your partner on your journey, build some 'Good Memory Days' while you can. These can even include just sitting, holding hands and talking, something so simple  that plenty of us forget  how good they can be. Take photo's but more than anything - Live Life to the max.

Hugs xx

John xx

Hi,

I really appreciate the responses I've had to this post - so thanks very much.

Jan & Nic - thank you for 'answering' my 'questions' I posted. You really helped me think things through on a reality basis, rather than worrying about it - if that makes sense? You came up with great ideas as to how I could manage these things, and brought up things I didn't even really think about until you mentioned it. Anyway, I really appreciate your help as well as your well wishes xxxx :-) Thank you xx

John - *might* sound a bit corny, but your message was really beautiful. You obviously hold such a close meaning to what you said, and it really made me think. If anything good is to have come from cancer, it's your wonderful perspective you have on life xx Thank you xx

Kate xxx

Hi Kate,

Others had said it all so I didn't add to what they said, but feel that I should wish you good luck and peace and happiness on this stage of your journey.

Colin xxx