For the last however many days I've been trapped within the walls of the hospital... again. They said I had some sort of infection, but the source couldn't be found - they whacked me on a heap of drugs and things seem to be (slowly) on the mend again. I guess I just got lucky this time.
This hospital trip made me think about the future... I can only imagine that this is what it's going to be like from here on in. Hospital stay after hospital stay. I felt like I had to get familiar with the place (even more so) because this is where I'll be at for the majority of the rest of my life. It's a depressing moment when you realise that this is all your life will be now. I was beginning to wonder if I would even leave the hospital this time. Evidently I did, but what about next time? What if next time, I'm not so lucky? What if I just go in, and never come out again? I would leave my home unknowingly for the last time; leave my posessions, my pets; my real life, for the LAST time.
I think sometimes that maybe this in fact would be better - go in and that's it, rather than everything dragging on and on, going in and out of hospital all of the time. But in and out it is, because I won't let Cancer have the last laugh.
It's not fair that I even need to think about life in this way. No one should ever need to think these things, ever.
Cancer shouldn't exist. ever.
