I just need to have a rant!
I hate it how there's more bad days then good days now... On the bad days it's like, when am I going to have a good day? Tomorrow? Next week? Ever? You just don't know... but on those rare good days, it's like, just waiting for those bad days to come back - probably the next day. You're given that little bit of happiness, and then it's snatched away again.
Yesterday was one of the best days I have had since before I was diagnosed in Jan 2011. Nothing special, but the pain was pretty much non-existant. I wasn't tired. I wasn't feeling depressed. I took my medications without a second thought. I invited friends over for dinner, because I was feeling so good. It was fantastic.
LOLJKS, now it's back to the way it normally is... Everything hurts, I hate my medicine, I'm exhausted (despite my good night sleep) and my constant depressed feeling has returned... *sigh* It's days like these I think back to days like yesterday, and while they were good, it makes today worse.. because it's not like yesterday.
And it's days like these I can't think about anything except for how much this sucks, and how unfair it is. Everyone else is out and about, working, having fun. I'm at home and barely get off the couch. I tried to make my bed this morning - an hour later we have a badly made bed that will need to be pulled apart again before sleeping in it "comfortably"... not that I can get comfortable anyway.
I have an appointment tomorrow to discuss the idea of starting with chemotherapy (or something else) despite the doubts with it, held by the medical staff... I wonder whether this is a set up for disappointment, or a setup for disaster. Or maybe, just maybe, however unlikely, maybe something will go right...
Kate
