hi everyone, this is the blog that i have wanted to write for such a long time . its not to see if the stress that has been in my life for what seems forever is a cause of my cancer but most people who i have spoken to over the years who have had cancer have led very stressfull lives so i think it is a major factor.as most of you know i am a single parent of five who are mainly all grown now except my youngest at fiffteen. but i also have my niece & nephew who also live with me aged 8 & 12 yrs. these two beautifull kids are my sisters children & they are two of her four children she has two others aged 19 & 13yrs old the 19yr old is with my mum & the 13yr old with my brother. the reason for this is she has an alchol addiction which unfortunetly has taken over her life since dad died & become in my eyes more of a cancer than i have.the only person though who doesn't see the problem is her which has caused masive upsets within the family circle. last year i had to rescue the children from her because her behavior was out of control but the backlash was unbelieveable. i thought i would go in there on my white horse take the kids she would get sorted by the dr who i had already contacted she would get kids back all live happily ever after. you would think at 46 i had more wit wouldn't you but afraid not . it escalated into social services being called they seeing her in the state she was children three at the time placed with me court cases sister against sister which was awfull. i do love her but i no longer like her because of the things that she has done to my family & other family members . everyone has bent over backwards to make sure she has the help that she needs but it just gets thrown back.she is in rehab at the moment but even though she is clean the nasty side of is still there & she is jelaous of my cancer if you can belive that she feels my brothers & other sister spend to much time with me talking etc but without them i would be lost they keep me sane.the reason i am writting this today is she is due home for the weekend & i will have to see her at some point i think she needs to see what i am doing for her to get well & also needs to see the state i am in ,my brother feels it could set her back but without being selfish what about the set back looking after two young children without any funds either because she keeps claiming the money is having on my health .i know that everyone on here will be understanding of the situation & i don't want to embaress my family but i feel like i need them to know now that this has got to be the last time she needs to stand on her own to see if she can do it. the kids did go back last christmas but were back with me again in march & have been here since the stress & upset to my own family apart from the cancer diagnosis in april has been terrible do you think its a good idea for me to show what i am now to her no hair scars & all or do i pretend that i am the coping little trouper that everyone else thinks i am . i love the kids & i would never let them go in care but when will she grow up sorry for this but its really getting me down. i thought last night that because of her i have lost a lot of good times with my own children because i have been so rapt up in saving her life i want that time my youngest is 16 at christmas i can't miss anymore her childhood has nearly gone. sorry for going on but this is my only outlet speak again soon love n hugs treeze xxxx
