hi everyone, this is the blog that i have wanted to write for such a long time . its not to see if the stress that has been in my life for what seems forever is a cause of my cancer but most people who i have spoken to over the years who have had cancer have led very stressfull lives so i think it is a major factor.as most of you know i am a single parent of five who are mainly all grown now except my youngest at fiffteen. but i also have my niece & nephew who also live with me aged 8 & 12 yrs. these two beautifull kids are my sisters children & they are two of her four children she has two others aged 19 & 13yrs old the 19yr old is with my mum & the 13yr old with my brother. the reason for this is she has an alchol addiction which unfortunetly has taken over her life since dad died & become in my eyes more of a cancer than i have.the only person though who doesn't see the problem is her which has caused masive upsets within the family circle. last year i had to rescue the children from her because her behavior was out of control but the backlash was unbelieveable. i thought i would go in there on my white horse take the kids she would get sorted by the dr who i had already contacted she would get kids back all live happily ever after. you would think at 46 i had more wit wouldn't you but afraid not . it escalated into social services being called they seeing her in the state she was children three at the time placed with me court cases sister against sister which was awfull. i do love her but i no longer like her because of the things that she has done to my family & other family members . everyone has bent over backwards to make sure she has the help that she needs but it just gets thrown back.she is in rehab at the moment but even though she is clean the nasty side of is still there & she is jelaous of my cancer if you can belive that she feels my brothers & other sister spend to much time with me talking etc but without them i would be lost they keep me sane.the reason i am writting this today is she is due home for the weekend & i will have to see her at some point i think she needs to see what i am doing for her to get well & also needs to see the state i am in ,my brother feels it could set her back but without being selfish what about the set back looking after two young children without any funds either because she keeps claiming the money is having on my health .i know that everyone on here will be understanding of the situation & i don't want to embaress my family but i feel like i need them to know now that this has got to be the last time she needs to stand on her own to see if she can do it. the kids did go back last christmas but were back with me again in march & have been here since the stress & upset to my own family apart from the cancer diagnosis in april has been terrible do you think its a good idea for me to show what i am now to her no hair scars & all or do i pretend that i am the coping little trouper that everyone else thinks i am . i love the kids & i would never let them go in care but when will she grow up sorry for this but its really getting me down. i thought last night that because of her i have lost a lot of good times with my own children because i have been so rapt up in saving her life i want that time my youngest is 16 at christmas i can't miss anymore her childhood has nearly gone. sorry for going on but this is my only outlet speak again soon love n hugs treeze xxxx
FormerMember
hi treeze,I was very touched by your blog and to be honest I really dont know what to say.yes you could approach her and show her the effect cancer has had on you in a hope that it will finally pull her back into shape, but what if it has the opposite effect and sends her over the edge? You are both facing incredible illnesses of extreme differences but I expect (and I may be wrong) that she isnt accepting the fact that she is ill and therefore isnt going to listen to reason.You could definately do without the extra pressures and stress and are to be commended for what you are doing.In an odd way though, because you have so many depending on you, it is probably giving you more fight in your own battle.Have you sought any other financially help ie macmillan which can take off a little pressure? I am sending you a big hug, what you are doing is wonderful and I am sure you have great children who really do appreciate you.Lots of love. . Lesleyxx
Firstly i think you need the biggest of ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
You are one amazing lady. I cant imagine how you have managed, but manage you will from here on. What an inspiration you are to us. I agree with Lesley totally. Although your sisters illness is not (in my mind) anything like yours, it is unfortunately "an illness". I too would want to say look at me, get on with your life, but unfortunately that would be no better than saying to a person with anorexia "look at these kids with cancer, start eating". Your family def need you as do these two unfortunate children. The good thing is that they have loving family to come to their aid. Such a shame when a family has to be split up.
I am not in a position to say what i think you should do. I truly wish there was something i could do to help.
We are always here to listen and send e-hugs, so keep unburdening on us.
It is a really difficult family problem. You have taken on for better or for worse, two children who are not your own. Despite your own problems which I promise I do not discount in any way, you have a sister who is seriously ill. Alcohol addiction is worse than any other drug addiction.
Without having to forgive her, or make any other effort for her, you do need to exert as much normality into the situation as possible for the children's sake.
However, wear your scarf if you would wear it for your brother, but get as much rest as you can. Send out for food if you must, or do as simple food as possible that you can reasonably ask her to help with. Then you can work together in the kitchen to do a meal for everyone. Your youngest daughter can be drafted in, but talk to her first in private so that she will feel part of your conspiracy to make things go smoothly. Go to bed as early as you like, and just say you need to do it on medical advice, so that she won't think you are snubbing her, but she will see that you have to follow advice all the same.
I'm not saying this to make it all more of an ordeal than it needs to be, but because I think that the soft answer option is in the long run the easiest way to get through it. You will emerge with your dignity intact, and maybe you will feel slightly warmer towards your sister. She may feel less threatened, and thus more easily enabled to respond in kind.
I'm no expert, but you might find this a good strategy.
hi everyone thankyou for your comments, just been to see my sister sat here in tears it has been worth it she is looking so well i now know the last year has not been in vain thank you all for being there treeze xxxx
Hi, I don't really have anything more to add to the advice that you've been given.... A friend of mine said I gave her good advice as her marriage broke up.... and so I'll pass it on to you, here goes. Do what you can live with later, leave no room for the "I should have done this, I should not have done that..."
She is your sister and you know her best (and you know yourself best too),
in the meantime, know that we are all here for you, be good to yourself, love EJ
