Hi. I'm Sarah and this is my first attempt at a blog. So please bear with me!
I think I'll start from the beginning.
After a rough 6 months at the beginning of 2013 (constant bleeding and belly pain) I was diagnosed with neauroendocrine carcinoma of the cervix. It's a rare and aggresive type of cancer and it had already spread to my pelvis and lymph glands. I was in for chemo straight away, followed by radiotherapy, more chemo, brachytherapy and finally more chemo.
By January this year, I was given the fantastic news that I had beaten Cancer.
A wonderful 6 months of feeling great took over. I spent proper time with the kids, going on camping trips and going to festivals, just having fun and enjoying them while they are small.
And then I started to feel breathless and easily tired. And I knew. Even if no body else wanted to believe it, I knew the cancer was back.
I was always warned that it could crop up anywhere again, but especially the lungs. I had a chest x-ray that showed up a couple of lesions, so was sent for a CT scan.
And this takes me to today. Results day.
It's back and it's not going anywhere. I have 2 quite sizable tumours on my left lung and loads of little dots peppered around.
It's terminal.
I don't know how long I have left.
I start a round of chemo tomorrow. We have agreed on 3 rounds of cisplatin and then a scan to see how thats going.
I have told my Mum and my husband was with me when I heard the news. I can't spot apologising to them both. It's strange, but the only emotion I seem to be experiancing is guilt. The fact that I'm making these people close to me feel so bad, is horrible.
I have decided not to tell my kids the full story just yet. They know I'm poorly and that I start on chemo again tomorrow, but that's it. I need more time for that.
So that's me. Sarah. Mum and wife.............. Not to be mourned, just yet :)
