Why anger is the most destructive emotion going....

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

3 Jun 2012

I've turned very green this weekend , not sick but angry like the Hulk. I'm not very nice when I'm angry and I really can't seem to shake off these outburss the past few days.

Is like chicken and egg scenario - cancer or anger, which came first ?? It seems my dsyfunctional relationship with cancer has kicked into largely anger this weekend and shifted my sunny disposition - like the return of the rain.

Why ? Why not ? It's affecting all my interpersonal relatonships but inparticular the ones closest to me, my kids, the guy I was dating and some friends. I can have a good day but every morning nature wakes me with this pleasant reminder this is happening, this is real and even though I sleep peaceful in my dreams happy, i wake and my brain floods with reminders of what I have ahead of me and probably my own fear, but a lot of resentment/ frustration.

I'm just pissed with the way BC has pushed it's way into my life uninvited and pushed it's way to the front literally to jostle my life out of the way to stamp it's presence, steal my body parts and challenge all my beliefs and esteem.Ok, this is temporary and all things will pass and I will beat this beast to submission and it goes off crying for its mum, then I'll kick it's mum's ass too...and any other family member trust me.

Why am I moaning ??? I'm alive this is curable/ treatable - why the heck am I moaning about vanity and injustice !! I'm not a why me person as i know cancer is a worldwide problem in developed countries where we run ourselves ragged are polluted by external factors, and this triggers off our own internal growing nagging tumours. I accept that my own body helped form this mass.

But seriously ??? Grrrrrr can't I just be me - the one I was before I was diagnosed, the one with both breasts and long lovely hair. Sure I'll sacrifice all of my superficial and external beauty and sure i'll grow back and sure I can have reconstruction and this is blag I tell everyone else with a brave and cheery smile...don't worry about me ! But today I think F888 that !!

Just for today I want to storm into the house of cancer, kidnap it's leader and brutally torture it for everyone that has suffered and fallen, for everyone fighting now, for everyone that has survived with some of their body parts stolen and for anyone in the future it might steal away. Grrrrr - anyone with me ?? Let's have an anarchy

Normal calm service will return tomorrow - even an uber optismist can have an off day

FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hi Sassy,

You are probably using some energy up fighting the cancer already.

My energy levels are never brilliant (I'm diabetic) but I have heard many cancer patients say they feel the cold more.

As for paragraphs Congenial, I can only put mine in after I've finished typing and before I post.

Odin xxxx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

thank you Odin and planning world domination in my chair stroking a cat mwahahahha - perhaps not.

Geez tiredness sucks, i'm wasting vital energy arguing with my teenagers too - if looks could kill !!

Have accepted today, a rainy Bank Holiday with arguing teenagers is not unusual - just the lack of energy is but now it;s explained it's more acceptable :)

xoxoxo
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hey Congenial,

Hmmm see I physically can't on days like this and that's so opposite to my normal self I'm trying to not let it frustrate me .Grrrr

I'm in North London :) Sunny Kent eh ? Whereabouts ?

Sentinnel biopsy is the blue dye thingy oooh attractive : ) I hope that they are clear hun.

Mine is my left, to the left to the left obviously and those amozanian chicks were amazing archers for self mutilating their breasts to shoot at others - damn where is my bow today lol :)

This is a very touchy site, I kinda hold down the key which leaves huge gaps and then backspace back to create paragraphs - wonderful eh ? xoxox
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Ah, Sassy,

Kent is not so sunny today - I'm in Faversham, apparently it rains here as much as in Egypt, but all the rain from Egypt seems to be coming down this weekend. Probably because it's a bank holiday.

Odin's trick seems to be working! yay!

Have you had this sentinel thing? Seeing that my right breast has just gone through all the colours of the rainbow, I don't think I'll mind a bit of blue dye. Only me to see it anyway.

Sending you a bag of energy for shouting at teenagers. Or maybe, if we swap teenagers? They always seem to be less obnoxious with other people...

I am very successfully procrastinating from doing a presentation for uni. And it's just laziness, not fatigue... :-P

xxx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Procastination is a naughty thing lol ...would prefer that to this fatugue malarky to tell u the truth !

I didnt know that little fact about the deposits of rain from Egypt landing in Faversham :)

I am just experiencing the joys of out of hours emergency services today, call Gp out of hours about fatigue as actually this isn't improving, they say make sure you don't smoke or drink alcohol. We should probably check your blood pressure and blood sugar levels - can you just come to our centre for an appointment ....ummm no I can barely get off the sofa. Oh, well make sure that you go to the walk in centre at your nearest hospital .....shall I sigh again ?? Oh and it's probably stress & anxiety, try and think happy thoughts. Hmmmmmmmmmmm

Ok, am hoping a power nap is going to fix this or else this fatigued chick is going to have to drag herself to the last place I wanna be on a Bank Holiday a&e wonderful.

#justwantmyoldlifebackalready !!!!
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