I'm quite liking my new Samantha Jones haircut - maybe I'll be her in spirit for a while - where is my Smith ??
Ok, today has been an odd day, I've had a head full of emotional cr*p, worries and thinking about the most trivial stuff. I'm not joking I woke up so disorientated and dazed that I thought I was actually losing the plot and the padded cells beckoned. Scary
I sought refuge at a friend's house away from everything else and permitting my stifled emotions to come out - it is a day of rest after all. They've been trying to get out all week ever since I started this week as 'emotional release week' full of therapeutic interventions. Did I tell you I hate crying ? And all week I've felt like I've wanted to and it won't come out - like the tears well up and my body goes NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. And they melt away.But where I'm keeping them so tightly locked within my chest feels tight and my throat wants to close and so today I needed them to come out....Newcastle and Scotland were flooded #just saying!
Do you know though that Laughter Therapy is much better by the way !! Spent the whole evening laughing with my friends and felt a million times better. Watching the ahem impressive 100metres men's athletes sighsss and ouch my sports therapist head kicked in watching the injuries.
Release is a good thing though - I can see clearly now the rain has gone, I can see all obstacles in my way. And I can actually see why my lovely surgeon looks so worried when he talks to me, really it isn't a laughing matter and the truth is the advancement of these pesky cells is definitely a lot more than I bargained for...or is it ?? Back in the early days between the Bone Scans, CT and MRI I was convinced it was worse so really it's still not as bad as those thoughts. 3 is my magic number and 3 isn't the best place to start but f*** it 3 can still be beaten within an inch of it's life.
Ok, let's be proactive Sassy, last week you sorted therapies and exercise , tomorrow you need to contact the surgeon and discuss your concerns, if he hasn't called , you can call them ! MRI is top of my list to request, can you request this ? Why didn't the last one show up the extent ...grrrrr ..I majorly dislike that techno thumping machine no contrast dye for me if I venture in there again.
So, I feel clear and focus, emotions back in check ....let's go sort this out :)
