Something is bugging me and dragging my cheery disposition down tonight.
I've been inboxed and trolled by well meaning born again treatment freaks , now for me I don't care if you choose to opt out of conventional treatments, like Bobby Brown sang it's my prerogative or rather yours, so then don;t judge or criticise me on my choice..
Aforementioned person called people that accepted chemo or radiotherapy stupid and must be out of your mind to receive these cancer increasing treatments !! Really ??? Guess I was just being polite when I didn't comment on your half baked idea to cure yourself and opt out of any treatment without actually saying this.
They said - why would people poison themselves ? I said maybe for the same reason people refuse treatment...FEAR ...Fear will make people think if they don't do anything they might die, and others think if they have the treatments they won't work or make them worse and die I guess. I have nothing against alternative therapies and embrace holistic way of life but not as a main treatment plan, wishing, hoping, rubbing a cream in isn't gonna change anything and stop those asbo cells from dividing and making a new team running riot in your body.
Why is it people don't listen when you are polite ? I actually don't like being rude or offensive believe it or not - maybe I should have been and they would have stop filling my head with doubts and their brainwashing trash.
Except the real problem isn't the hawkers and inbox stalkers ...it's the growing, nagging apprehension to how severe my treatment is going to be. It's not all these 'earlier stage needing less interventions and oh I'm so luckies ' that think they are helping by saying at least i didn't lose my breast, or my lymph nodes weren't affected or at least I didn't have to have chemo. Yet still say oh woe is meeeeeee ! And it's not my own indifference with anyone else's problems at the moment (which is out of character) that's the real problem that's a symptom.
The truth is I'm soooooo p***ed with Cancer tonight coming and gatecrashing my life !! I need to snap out of this and stop being a grouchy git tonight !! Why am I so awkward and complex always, Fook u cancer for creeping deeper into my body and making yourself to comfortable
Ok, that's my secret vent, close the door, happy face back on and shhhhhh no one needs to know my fears or my anxieties. It's my private moan, for no one else to see.....and maybe when that letter lands inviting me back to discuss it or the phone rings I'll feel a bit more incontrol again of my life and fears. Face your fears and do it anyway ....Kabunggaaaaaaaaaaa
Let's get lost in Olympic LA LA Land :)
