I woke yesterday to the sound of ticking I was like wtf ...and then i realised it wasn't my left boob with a timer it was a hole in my roof that was causing the repetitive dripping - not ticking. But oh sh** that's expensive to tackle let's worry about that not for now.
Poor lefty, I'm fondly tucking my right hand under my armpit - not as I type obviously, giving leftie some love. I'm feeling a little more apprehensive now about my looming mascectomy. It's been fuelled by 'well meaning' people telling me that their friends had immediate reconstruction and of course that's not part of my treatment plan. Like one of my lovely partners in crime on here said rocking the cyclops look is going to be the look for a considerable time.
I did something mean yesterday - a well meaning person who instigated this rant and the action , really annoyed me and so i posted her an article about reconstruction with images. Have people even seen one ? I can honestly say with my hand on my heart I hadn't before this - but I would never had be so dismissive and queried someone's treatment plan either if I had never been affected personally - just why do people think that's useful ??
I'm not knocking people being supportive - but are you a breast cancer specialist, oncologist, plastic surgeon ???? ohh noo you have a masters in talking sh*t from Google - so thereby you know everything about grades, stages, treatment etc and just why do you think that will help me ?? Hell I don't even want to catergorise myself into a stage, grade and number - and actually i have already effed up that in my earlier post - I have absolutely no idea what stage i'm at (apart from anger) but they have said the grade is 2 - ha ha has agressive tendencies like me huh ? It's invasive ductual - i did manage to go back and ask that. Does it matter ? It's an invasive gang of healthy cell eating ASBO mofos that are soon to be removed from the rest of my body. Then the vigalantes of chemo town are going all search and destroy on the rest of my body. Ha actually my sister and I think we may have a new video game for all of us - think a cross between Call of Duty, Zombie shoot em up, nuke em up games - where we can all go on the rampage killing the body part snatchers and good cell suckers...I think there are few of us on here that would enjoy that :)
Oh dear I'm sounding so off hinged and violent again, I'm really not....honest.
I was full of jokes the other day, spoilt and loved in the arms of two of my besties, who said they'll love me regardless, i woke feeling truly happy and secure.We decided that a grapefruit on my left could work ...this might have an edgier look post op : ) Fruit replacements - there are so many colour options and seasons omg !! Happy days with crazy fruit loving friends :)
The harder person at times to convince is me - shhhh don't tell anyone - for i am a spin doctor that has everyone around me pacified by the treatment and outcomes...just need me to fully accept that righty is gonna be riding solo for a while and this is gonna be fine - it's not the end of the world, nor limiting me unless i allow it..uber positive girl to the rescue.
Bloods on Monday ...it's happening ....tick, tick, tick 2 weeks to the destruction of the supermassive black holes in my left ...is it wrong to ask the surgeon for my implant back so can reuse it ?? OMG somebody call pysch team whilst i still sat still
