Day 2 , Chemo 2 ...well last chemo I was significantly worse and I'm not whooping to soon as it's an unpredicable bugger you never know from one day to the next ! My mind is alert but body tiring again now.
So before I shut down, I wanted to update. Last chemo I TOLD my friends I FELT disappointed by their reactions, whether if was their fear, being busy or inconsiderate whatever and I am pleased to say that better out than in rant really paid off, it made people explain their anxiety or fear and their assumptions that because i sailed through my op with relative ease they thought chemo would be the same.
Communication is key really isn't it ? U need to keep the channels open and give and take. I am extremely independent and don't ask for help, I've always known showing vulnerability would be a weak spot but stripped of your outward physical armour by chemo you are kind of forced to show that vulnerability and although scary it isn't a bad thing. I always give to people without question and it must bring me pleasure, one friend yoda as always , reminded me that it is a pleasure to receive too and gives friends a role and pleasure too. Yoda is always right - shhh don't say I said this.
So this chemo cycle I have friends asking what can they do, when can they visit and I feel happier and more supported, long may this last. It's not the big things in life but the little gestures.
I'm very publically out about living with cancer, blog here and on fb it works for me, secrets and pretending it's not happening will catch up with you later down the line. In other aspects of my life, I have used a different coping mechanism of throwing myself into work or another project to detract from the pain, I learnt the hard way that only delays how you feel and you get a backlash of pain....to cope and live with my diagnosis I ditch that approach - wow ! And have gone for this say as I FEEL, FEEL how I feel and let it out ..tis better out than in ...except when I want to vomit and then - that's not happening ! I hate being sick - aaww chemo thank you for making me face my fears and challenges
Something else to be grateful for :)
