Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, I'm back a week post mascetomy & anx clearance and I feel good.
Reading through my last blog is so interesting (well to me) as my emotions must have surged up and down during those last double boobied weeks. i started to feel scared immediately before the operation, my fears ? That people would see me differently, that I wouldn't be attractive, be flawed and damaged and put on the reduced priced shelf. Even though logically I knew the people that love and care about me wouldn't careless and people that don't , does it matter ?? But I think it was my internal worry.
The operation itself was a doddle, the attractive ass showing gown, surgical tights, slippers and bakers cap were more traumatising - lol ...joking !! I was first up , chattily asking my surgeon if I can have a doggy bag for my implant they removed for my delayed reconstruction...at 8.15am she was not ready for this humour. My friends were the best, they dutifully put up with my corny jokes whilst I trembled in my stockings and prised my phone out of my hand for me to walk to theatre . I had a huge arrow on my left side lol...cut and detach here :)
So I came round from my legal high and first thing I did was check my new body out, I wanted to bond with my new body the way you do when you are given a new baby I guess. I was pleasantly surprised, it's really not that bad. Within hours and fuelled by morphine and over excitedness I was telling my consultant I was a lady/ boy and swapping sides to demonstrate - at this point they called security ..ha ha ha no they didn't but they at times find my chirpiness unorthordox I guess.
Let me explain, humour is my saviour and strength - how else can you react ? Hours after surgery being taken to a general surgery ward, was greeted by other paitents, who were enquired what I was in for ...oh i've just had a breast off, really ....sh*t why didn't they take the other one too ?? LOL ...Instant comeback from the witty titty one ...because what would I have to play with if they took both ?? Comebacks are required if you are survive the general publics lack of sensitivity.
That night on the ward was ok, after I challenged the I'm soooo bored nurse that refused to help me get up after 6 hours of not moving, with 2 drains and drip ...I only wanted her to ensure I didn't fall when I walked to the toilet for the first time, little Miss Attitude didn't know what happened when I quickly put her back in her place. seriously tho, I am strong (now) and assertive and have ability to fight for my rights, my concerns are for people less able, frail, with dementia or disabilities that mean lazy and selfish nurses like these ignore them and leave them in pain or discomfort - don't get me started grrrrrr
The next day my body was weak, so I quickly relaxed into the institutional prospects of the ward ...tae at this time, meds at this time - its soooo easy. My room mates became buddies and we laughed and joked our way to health, seriously tho at night it's your room mates that help you ..day staff are angels ..night staff demons.
My friend visited and livened up the whole ward playing Pied Piper of North London, as a Dreamboy walked in half naked to bring me some chocolates and the whole ward of nurses suddenly gave me a new respect ha ha ha ..ladies hire a buff guy and nurses will treat you better. I was laughing afterwards like ...I may have one tit but I still got it girls ...When I was discharged the next day they swamped my bed to thank me for his visit - omg !! I'm not even joking. When my other (equally attractive but clothed) friend came to collect me their eyes widened further again - just what has this one breasted woman got was readable on their faces lol ...
I am really grateful for my friends and family for their love and support I must keep adding and for the fact they just let me be me :) 24 hours after discharge I'm drinking jagermeister shots with my besties, playing card games with us all dressed as transgender circus freaks - how could I not love these people and be as happy as I feel right now ??
So of course it's early days, but i am happy, why wouldn't i be ? I am treasured, loved and supported. I love and appreciate myself and my life - there are far worse things than having breast cancer, watching the programme of 7/7 last night i felt the very real sense of pain by all of those involved as survivors or families bereft or the wonderful emergency services that were real heroes.
So when medical professionals say to me , we are impressed with your bravery and enthusiasm but it's early days, i smile sweetly and laugh ...it's all about how you see it and react. I know I will have bad days, but do you need to remind me of this ? Plant the seed of worry that does nothing but cause anxiety in advance that you don't need ?? A message to the nurse who on discharge said (back handed compliment here) You look amazing and you are doing well, but this is day 2 - day 3 is an entirely different thing,,,,,LOL !!! Nurse Day 3 was BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM all thanks to my brilliant and crazy friends ...
Let me have my bad days in private or lost in rants on here but don't wish them on me :)
All hail the uber optimistic and crazy Lady Boy - Life is for living - I am !!
