The past few years have been an emotional roller-coaster and now it seems I'm on a downwards health spiral - BUT - hoping to start back up again as soon as I can.
I found my little 'son' over ten years back in India when I went to India as a volunteer for a registered charity/sending agency and it was only two years back that we managed to get a passport for him. I met his birth mother after first try of finding her and a few days later my son met her too and his father (PLUS a brother & a sister) who live in a mud hut village and simply could never have cared for my son. I got permission papers, and then rules changed and I had to get more or word some of them differently, for the parents to have translated and sign. They often go away for work, wherever they can get it, so finding them in their village was another thing!
Then the attempts were being made every day on my laptop, to get him a place in a school in thee UK. Being profoundly physically disabled some schools outright refused, others said yes, only to retract their invite and one fabulous school said YES for sure, no taking it back, a couple of months ago and even went to the trouble of coming out to India to meet my son! Wooohoo!
So, collecting all the needed documentation has taken a couple of years too, plus I had to become a private foster mother for him, so he could live with me in the UK (done on another visa trip last year - where else would he live!!!), getting the CAS number sorted, finding out our two wonderful friends near to the school would let us stay with them initially and for my little boy (well, he's 12 now) to begin the very first proper school where these wonderful people are willing to give him the chance he has been looking for, for so long!
In December 2009, new regulations appeared for Indian Visa's (for me) and instead of spending a few days out of India every 6 months to get another visa, they had upped the anti to TWO months. So, I have to find some place for my son for that entire time every few months, but also figure out when to leave so that I at least don't miss Christmas with him. He doesn't like having to be back in children's homes and neither do I. Children's homes in India do not have a lot going for them in a lot of ways and abuse is rife - my son is proof of that!
So, just before I came away to Ireland for yet another (and we hope it will be the last) visa trip, I found the lump. Went to see my doctor who sent me along to the Cancer Clinic at CUH. I was examined, ultra-sounded, fineneedle aspirated and deep core biopsied (phew, more like a sledgehammer every time it clicked)!) to be informed that I had cancer and to reason that I would have chemo and radiotherapy.
WHAT!!! I am only here for ten Weeks and then I'm going back to my son to apply for his study visa!!! We have to work out a treatment plan, meanwhile I am waiting for more pathology reports.... the waiting is interminable and lets your mind do things it would not normally do. The panic is worse at night - during the day I can occupy myself.
I have another website, specially for my son, the artist (!) which you may like to visit http://auniquechild.terapad.com/
Meanwhile, I go from staring blankly to tearfulness, thinking about my 'son's' future, depression, disbelief and shock still that we could have come this far, for this to happen. Whenever we have had problems in the past, and there have been many, I've always told him this:
"HE didn't bring us this far to have it all apart now!!"
Now I have to really believe this myself, despite my diagnosis, despite my fearfulness. I don't believe the shock has really hit me yet, or should I say, the reality of this situation. Next week may be a different story. If you pray, please, pray for us.
I called my son at 5pm Indian time today as I do every Friday and he was pleased that I sounded happy - likewise I told him, though he says at the beginning of June he begins his countdown to when 'mummy' will be back with him and that we can be a 'normal' mummy & son again. How much he loves me and how much he misses me....how much I love and adore him, he is my entire life & he is a very loving little boy who prays every night for me and everyone else, especially little Charlotte Johns who is also on Caring-bridge and suffering from NB.
Her mum, Anna, is a stalwart and so brave, let alone Charly (as she is fondly called) We have been following her story for over a year.
Of course I have not told my son of these complications of my visa trip - it would be callous - we are continents apart. I have in fact not let a soul know in India in case it gets back to him......Chinese whispers and all that! I am due to leave Ireland for India on 8the July - that is my game plan, perhaps to start chemo here and do some more in India (God help me) until my son's visa can be got.
I'll write again when I have news of the other path results,
Blessings to all xxxxxxx
