Just taken painkillers and hope to be active in about half an hour. Sadly, it seems my life has to be arranged around the few pain free hours I have every morning. Now down to packing, clearing up a little (amazing how much one gathers in just a few short weeks) - most of it papers, papers, papers.....bonfire time!
Thankfully nothing has to be packed perfectly; I've got a few boxes which have been here for some time - that we sent over from India and some that I left here with books etc...in. It will be lovely to have everything unpacked for the first time in years and to have lots of my son's things around me in the new place.....waiting for his arrival - giving me hope and encouragement - pleading with God that things will work out......please.
Where did the past few weeks go to? I lost all concept of time a long time back it seems. To think that I arrived at the end of April - and was supposed to have been back in India this very morning...
It feels now as if I have been gone from my son for a year - so much has happened in such a short span of time. My only wish left in this life is that we are permitted to have our dream in the UK. Something we have worked for, for SO long and seems within our reach now as everything has been gathered. Please say a prayer that friends Ray and Sue are able to continue where I was forced to leave things and that they are successful in bringing my son over. Whatever happens, I can not be away from him for Christmas and will have to save every penny I can to get there and at least stay in a cheap hotel with him for the Christmas period - after everything, it is the last thing I can do. But if he is not here by Christmas then our chances of every being together in the UK and him being able to attend the school will be remote, I guess. Something I don't want to think about. It does mean though that I will not stay in the UK more time than I absolutely have to and while I'm there, try to secure funding for me to get back and to find a school for him in India and continue our lives there. I cannot live without my child and I WILL NOT abandon him there. He trusts me, and had a bad beginning to life and I don't want him to become bitter and lose all his chances. Staying in India will stunt him and when I am gone, what then..... ?
Stop it, shouldn't think about things like that.....yes, I hear you. BUT I have always been a realist. My motto in life has, for many years been "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst" That way, when I've expected the worst and it has happened, although it's very upsetting, it was at least on the cards and didn't come as a heck of a shock as it would have if I had been too sure of myself.
On a lighter note, I had been wondering if the Swallows that nest here apparently every spring, had survived - as I hadn't seen them around after the visit of some Magpies last week. Yesterday morning as I sat in 'the throne room' staring blankly out of the little window, I saw a small bird on top of the little chimney of Don's river camper boat. Other birds seemed to be continually swooping down at it and I thought perhaps it was hurt as it just sat there, not moving much at all.
I went out of my front door and crept carefully to where the boat was to see not one, but two swallow babies perched precariously atop the chimney! How perfect & beautiful they are! The swooping birds had been mum and dad who were now a little nervous at my presence, so I left the garden and went back into the bathroom to look in wonder and joy at their antics. Eventually baby 1 & 2 flew off and had a bit of a circuit of the airway near the boat. This continued for a long time with mum and dad periodically feeding them too.
I had to go out to get a prescription in the late morning, which ended up taking a longer time than anticipated (of course :-)) and on my return I saw an amazing sight indeed. I didn't try taking photo's unfortunately, as my presence again would have disturbed the dance!
There must have been at least twenty Swallow parents, including their babies, all taking to the skies, catching the thermals and playing so happily - teaching their babies to fly....back and forth they glided in the air....then turning in circles and all so beautifully choreographed. What a show they put on....and what a perilous journey awaits the babies and their parents when, sometime in August they take to the skies for their massively long journey back to South Africa. No one tells them which way they have to go, but unlike humans, they trust in the Spirit that determines what they do and when, which I believe fully in my heart is the little computer program put inside each and every one of them by the Lord Himself. Sadly, some of the birds will not make it, but hopefully their babies that survive will return here again next Spring and repeat the entire process once more.
What joyous things we see when we take the time to look. The Lord puts on a free show for us 24 hours a day if only we take the time to take time out and really look.
I think of the Swallows life and journey ahead and realise that I hardly take any notice of the Spirit that is tugging at me the whole time. Why? Because I want to retain control over my life and think that I have to help the Lord out by organising it - but watching these tiny creatures and how they put their trust in Him to take them where they have to go, mostly succeed. With intervention in the journey of life many do succeed and only when He is ready, does He call them home and not a minute before. He has plans for every living thing on the face of this earth and we make it very hard for Him by going our own way and not listening to Him, but putting our own plans ahead of that. Why are we so afraid to Let Go and Let God? Because we want to be in control.
But, perhaps I should just look at the life of the Swallow, and realise that there is a plan, if only I accepted it and
Let go and Let God, life would be so much easier :-)
Happy weekend to you all, with love and thoughts...
