Tired, muted and neither here nor there - might be a good way to describe the way I feel at the beginning of this new week. Doesn't everything take so much time? Or perhaps it's us, when we're sick and forget that hospitals are dealing with SO many others who are all waiting for results.
We want things DONE and we want them NOW! That's normal.....we'd like to have everything done and dusted within a few days and know where we stand with our lives - in reality it doesn't happen like that though eh!
I always wonder what is going on inside my body while all this waiting goes on - it renews, it multiplies, it does all kinds of things and not always necessarily nice things either. With cancer, things must almost change daily - cancer likes to do this - even if we don't initially know what it's doing, you can be sure there are changes going on.
Same old same old for the weekend and normally I would have got cabin fever being stuck on the mountain, but am almost afraid to go out now, for fear someone will bump into me and cause further pain or undo some healing that has taken place......feeling fragile I guess...
Remembering friends who have succumbed to this god-awful disease, Mary, Anne, Claire, Clare - and wondering where we will be this time next year......Oh too much - lets just get on with the day in hand and stop the miseries.
Wishing the constant nausenauseousnessd go away, and pains where I didn't know I had places...all causing my mind to work overtime in telling me that each new feeling or pain is a Met - some place in my body......
Got to phone the kidney man today and ask whether he has sync'd a treatment plan with the oncolgoncologist bet he hasn't :-) Sometimes I believe that as numbers only, and not names at all, that once we exit consultation rooms - that we are completely forgotten.
Please, once again, pray for little Charly. She is in France with her family on a 'trial' and was taken into theatre early yesterday morning with internal bleeding after going into shock. She is 8 for God's sake!!!
God, if you are really there and can hear us - help this little child who hardly remembers what living normally and without illness or pain is!
