Wow! Ok, So i have never done this before... so not sure how this 'blogging' thing works, and i must admit.. i am not the strongest writer, so... so I'm just gonna write what i want to say.
Ok, so my mother who is 56 years of age, was officially diagnosed with Cholangiocinoma (still can pronounce it!) on the 15th September....pretty rubbish right?!...and it still doesn't quite feel real yet!
It all started back in June when my mother noticed that every time she ate food she had quite bad tunny cramps. Now, my mother is NEVER ill, so off she went to the doctors..where the doctors diagnosed her with Colic! ... you know, the stuff that young babies get... they gave her some medicine for it, and after two or so weeks the pain went!... Great!
But Mum being Mum wanted to know more. The fact that is all her 56 years she had never been ill, or been on any kind of medication before didn't sit right with her, so she asked her doctor (after many emails and phone calls) to book an appointment for an ultrasound... to see if they could could pin point the exact reason why she was having such discomfort.
The results of the scan showed that she did have some sort of mass on her liver. She went for further tests...CT scan, PET, Biopsy, Blood tests etc....
From these test they thought the the masses on her liver was secondary liver cancer. The masses were quite large. On the left there is a mass that occupies most of that side, there is also a mass in the IVa segment measuring 3.8 x 2.1cm...and then lots of little cysts on her right lobe about 1.1 cm. So yeah.. her liver wasn't look that great!
Now, although they could confirm that the liver masses was cancer... they couldn't find a primary.........
After a few more months of testing and prodding, they came to the agreement that the primary came from the bile duct... Which i just couldn't understand due to the fact that they are no lesions of masses there... I asked if they could do a biopsy on the bile duct to confirm there diagnoses, but was refused because they said that they want anything to biopsy... there were no masses on the bile duct!!!..
So i ask... how can they confirm that she has primary Bile duct cancer, when there isn't anything there???!!! This is something that we both have been wondering about... and they still haven't given us a proper answer... so how can they be so sure....can anyone out there help with my question??!!!
Anyhoo... so they suggested that Mum start Chemo ASAP. They wanted her to take GemCis chemo... and i thought that was all cool.. I thought mum would be all cool with starting Chemo. i had already had my diary out booking time off work to be with her during the treatments...UNTIL WE GOT TO THE CAR PARK!...
My mother, then decided to drop the bombshell to me that she didn't want to do Chemo!!!! I was stunned!! My mother is a very very stubborn woman (thats where I get it from!) and no matter how much i tried to reason with her she didn't want to hear it.. her mind was made up..she just didn't want to do it!!
She told me that she had been talking to a friend, who know a friend who was diagnosed with cancer, and was cured through holistic techniques???!!!! WHAT!!!!! I think that was the first time in my 30 years i actually swore at my mum.. I was just so mad.. she refused to listen to anything had to say about it.
She kept saying that Chemo is poison and that she didn't want to be blasted with chemical poison..she was coming up with all crazy stuff..she kept saying that chemo would kill her, and that she didn't want to spend days in bed, not able to walk! I had no idea mum had such strong views on Chemo...i suppose we never had to discuss it before that day!
I spent the next few weeks researching other treatments apart from chemo... Surgery, Radiation, Cyberknife, Biological treatments... I presented my research to her doctor..and he said that they were all not suitable due to the size of the tumours.... GemCis was the only thing they could offer her!!
A few days later we went to see this 'Holistic' guy all the way on the other side of London. I sooo didn't want to go... I tried everything to try to make her change my mind..and im not proud of saying I did try to emotionally blackmail her into changing her mind... i screamed at her, i cried to her, i pleaded and begged with her..not to go down this route...... But i took a step back, and made myself grow up a bit, and kind of realised that i shouldn't be spending my time fighting against her but should be there to support her...even though it went against EVERY FIBRE IN MY BODY!!!
So here we are talking to this holistic guy...listening to him completely 'Slate' (English Word - sorry) Chemo...saying how bad it is... how it would kill mum, how doctors and hospitals never see patients as individuals, but a number. You have no idea how much i wanted to punch him in his face! (Sorry! but i was ANGRY!!) but I didn't... i just sat there, silently screaming internally!
He explained to mum that she will be cured, if she followed his strict diet from now on... OH, and if she handed over a big fat cheque for £500!!! I had to leave the room when she signed that cheque!! i was so angry i just couldn't hold it n anymore. i sat in the toilet and cried. i just thought that everyone was against me, and that I was the one in the wrong!
The Holistic man explained that cancer cells feed of fat cells, and acidic blood, and in order to cut off the cancers food supply we had to get all the fat content out of my mums system an also to PH balance her blood. So they put mum on a diet of Brown rice, beans, Japanese seawead and a small amount of veg.. She was also limited the amount of water she could drink!!! She was also told to take a whole heap of supplements and chinese herbs.
She has been on this diet for a few months... and it truly has been the worse few months of our lives.
The side effects have been absolutely insane. She has lost half her body weight. she looks so old and tired, she has NO energy...even though the holistic guys said that her energy should be returning.. I mean, how can you possibly have energy from beans and rice?!!! She is constantly constipated. She cant even walk properly because she is just so weak.. The food she has to eat is so bland that she no longer looks forward to eating any more, which gets her down and depressed. Her mouth has no saliva to lubricate her mouth, so she constantly dried mouthed, and she find it hard to talk. Her voice is horse.
Before she started this diet, she was a strong, healthy happy woman... the woman see now, just isn't my mummy. But these holistic people just keep dripping poison in her ear saying that she must stick to it to be cured!
And i don't know how longer i can stand there watching her disintegrate before my very eyes. She had such a loud and infectious laugh... which i haven't heard in such a long time!!
I really don't know want to do. every day she is loosing more weight, and is getting weaker and weaker, but she just doesn't want the chemo..i think she is scared of what it will do to her, the side effects. But you know, i put a £10,000 on it that she would no way feel as bad as she does feel now.
I am truly at my wits end.. I have no idea what to do to sway her mind. I also worry that if she does turn around and say that she now want to do Chemo...im worried that the Holistic 'fools', have stripped my mother down so much she wont be fit enough to take the chemo on! ERGHHHH!!
Does anyone have any advise...How do I I make her see sense???!!
....sorry for the long post!!!
