Post 557: I was amused that my counsellor & my mind was in tune.
I quietly left house this morning leaving her in bed asleep. There was no need to wake her especially as it was fairly early start at the hospice and I had no need to bother her for her chauffeuring abilities. Letting her rest is all I can do, to help her recovery.
The counsellor who I’m now very used to was on fire today, or was it that we were both on fire? Either way round the first and the bulk of the session was over in a ‘tick tock’. My thoughts were her thoughts and the ten minute warm up at the start of the meeting was lengthened as I was on a roll, to fill out much of the time we had.
With six minutes to go till today’s session was over which in the end ran over, it was clear that something was occurring that was different than all the rest of the sessions. The thing was that the counsellor round up with a comment about how the complex and emotionally charged questions that I answered I did so with a clear concise fast manner and this I felt was so unusual I could only explain the episode being caused by the new Duloxatine drug I’ve doubled up the dose of in the last three days making my mind somewhat lighter and happier. I had to reason out the facts and the facts were so very clear, I was really surprised how easy it was for me to answer honestly how I felt about the Radium 223 radiotherapy and how last weeks worries were gone and in its place a confident voice was saying how it was the only and best way to go ahead with my life in a clinical and sensible sense.
This was opposed to last weeks reluctance to even consider how this treatment was anything but torture and the biggest change being how now, I can see that my decision to accept the Radium 223 as being a useful tool, is being plucked out of a meagre medical treatment tool-box.
Anyway it was a great time I had where I could open up and talk frankly (on topic) for a change and this could only be assisted in the main by that new drug I’m told has both ani-anxiety and pain-relief abilities, which seem to be helping me in both ways, thankfully.
We parted happily and I braved the bumps in the road on the way home and found my Darling standing in the kitchen hovering over the washing machine and tumble dryer looking frail and a face full of receding coldness. I mean that she looked like she was getting better but didn’t look too happy about being pressed by her own guilt into emptying the overflowing wash-basket. Not my or her idea of fun but sadly, a pile of clothes that need attention anyway.
I couldn’t stop her anyway and I just sat down and eventually filled her in about what had been for me a wonderful morning, except for the driving of course. That’s just awkward and it hurts too.
We settled into tv watching and sat together in a very content mind set while the visual and audible entertainment soaked through us.
The post arrived with a clatter through the front door letterbox and from the meagre pile of mail I was given a MoonPig envelope addressed to me. I was confused, this was highly unusual because there was no occasion for its existence , or so I thought…
I opened it and my eyes and heart were moved to happy-tears. It went like this on the front…
“YOU ARE.
INCREDIBLE
and I am so so so
PROUD!”
In the inside was…
“To My favourite person, my greatest love, Mr U.
I want you to know how incredibly proud I am of you, You amaze me every day with your strength & determination.I know things aren't easy, & I know there are days when you feel exhausted & in pain, but the way you keep going shows just how much strength you have inside you. We've got something very special to look forward to at the end of November, meeting our beautiful grandson. I can't wait to share that precious moment with you.You are my husband, my best friend and my soulmate.
Forever and always.”
The feelings written in this card I could have written about Mrs U as I am as in awe of her as she is me.
What more can I say but have a lovely day; I am.
Take care xx
