Post 543: The story went down well but I forgot to say…
Oh boy yesterday I struggled to think straight and by the time my pal arrived at my door at 8:15 I was being quizzed about the weekend in a very friendly way and realised I had forgotten to tell you about our youngest and his doggie who was central to Sunday afternoons chats.
We only saw him and Byron for a while but he is certainly part of the family now.
After 10 months now the training has stopped and the tall skinny lurcher is a calm but nosey but very friendly and happy dog.
It’s crazy that he’s been with us so long and in that time has gone from silly wild puppy to a wise and caring young do og with the fun still in his make up. He can’t help being naughty but he just a character.
We hid the cat while Byron had the run of the house but the fearless Mr Vicious wouldn’t last five minutes in a fight with him so we were vigilant they didn’t meet up, we didn’t need a furry nightmare on our hands.
Our youngest was interested in the possibility of attending the next oncology meeting which might be ok depending on the timing. As the baby boy will arrive in just less than six weeks the countdown has started in earnest and I can see the nervousness in our sins eyes. So much is going to change and now the few weeks left are valuable moments before the babies here. But today after a call from the appointments secretary has confirmed Thursday this week as the day I get to see the scan images with a different oncologist. I certainly want the earliest available appointment so said yes to that first suggestion but knew it was when my Darling was otherwise engaged in another tattoo parlour but I couldn’t help that and I think she took it ok when I told her it would be only our son and I going.
She didn’t take it to heart so I think I got away with it, not that I could do much about it considering the possible holiday going up north then the baby after. So it’s all set, brilliant, and so soon too.
The Doctor who I’ve not met before will have my emailed question before hand so that he has every chance to help me make the right decision after I get to debrief my Darling in the merits of each treatment and the side effect too.
So our youngest got to see while he was home, the pile of new products, gifts for them and the baby for the first few weeks that has collected over the last few weeks. My Darling has been getting bits and stacking them up in a big pile - that’s too much to take in one go, especially with the pup in the back of the car.
Later he and Byron picked up the food Mum gave him for tonight’s dinner, and then we could relax and wave them goodbye in the sure and certain hope that all our plans would come to and a bit.
Earlier today I had the fortune to chat to my lovey counsellor who picked a couple of interesting themes to discuss. So the homework was given to me and involved finding out about a well known person, and follow their lifestyle ideas for a day, just to freshen up my thinking.
Feeling better all around the counsellor found a real discussion point that has not yet been resolved. Namely what happens and what’s choices are there in the last few days or hours of my life. Now don’t get me wrong here. I have had great discussions with my Darling about after I die and what happens, but I haven’t yet thought about the bit before that.
Interesting.
I know my Darling well and I’m supposing this will not be up for discussion but it could be in time.
The thing is that as I’m drifting off to La La land and have little or nothing to choose from we will still have the couples instinct and that in itself means that the roles change and my life is in her hands, no better hands too. So a few chats about that mysterious time could be chatted about and the less squeamish amongst us will get the benefit in confidence later on when the time comes, to make the right decisions.
Whether I get to fit this chat in soon is up to me and how my Darling feels but I think it’s important.
Theoretical ideas and chats excite me and those moments where I can throw away the shackles of normal thinking and delve deeper into our soul needs me to allow it to happen, not clam up and shut my self away, after all this is only to help us along the way. What could go wrong?
My back had a moment while getting myself into back in my pals car, after the hospice counselling today. I turned myself round and backed up to the car and dropped backwards onto the front passenger seat and bent my head forward a little too far and I felt a pain never felt before like a knife was being stabbed in beside my spine about level with my shoulder blades. Wow! Bloody hell it hurt, it still does now but it’s calmed from a really painful 9 to 2/3 now. I stood up and couldn’t make go but now I know there’s something wrong with it. What is the question I hope to be more certain of at the next meeting on Thursday.
Yes I’m falling to bits and the oramorph is being used 4 times a day with all its side effects!
So the new pills haven’t had enough time to start working yet but I’m living in the hope they do calm the nerve pain in my back and ribs.
All the while my Darling is looking on trying to evaluate if I’m strong and fit enough to go on holiday up north to our eldest and waited in Cumbria.
Every time I have an another new pain it makes it more unlikely, but it’s still on the cards, or it is until Thursday’s chat with oncology, and that uncertainty will be…
So the tattoo on my arm, the sleeve, is being started tomorrow and I’m very excited except for being uncomfortable in the big-chair. I hope o can sit still long enough, for the main animals to be roughed out.
The existing tattoos I’ve had done recently have all healed quickly a quietly, so I’ve been very lucky to enjoy this new form of expressing myself.
And in the case of this Sussex wildlife sleeve in ready for it will be hours of fun for our soon to be growing baby grandson with an inquisitive mind asking about granddads animal tats and what these creatures are called. Ha ha.
Yep. I’m excited. Very excited. The baby has changed my (our) whole life and it’s great.
Love you all.
If you understand the ramble in the middle this blog, stand up and tell me what’s occurring. Ha ha.
Good night take care
