There wasn’t much to cheer me up but the cleaner coming in and saying how good I looked, this is a boost to my ego and makes me stand a little taller but in reality I was lying when I said I was feeling good and better than ever when I thanked him.
That’s us all over isn’t it; we lie a lot, well I do, but we don’t mean it in a criminal way.
If we told the truth everytime someone asked they would stop asking pretty quickly and you would loose the chance to feel good about yourself. A bit like my tyres all have slow punctures but when I’m amidst a kind and boosting conversation however short my tyres fill up and I scoot off happily ready for anything.
I can talk about the reality everyday here but that would be even more boring than this is already. Perhaps I do sail into the doldrums a bit and I’ve started to cry a bit more when I think of sad things but I mustn’t be there too long or you’ll be in there too. That’s not fair.
When all said and done I’m fantastic.
Yes really.
Like you I’m getting through this life experience with humility knowing that I can when asked or I decide to, help others with questions I can solve for them. I’m talking about this wonderful online resource and the community that it supports.
Yesterday, for the first time in months I had the strength to flick through the new posts on my chosen lists of online chats and was pulled in to help a newish soul who was asking for general help I could answer, so I did.
It used to be a thing I was happy to do more frequently but I realise that if my answers hark back to a time when my PSA was under 5 then that person reads my bio to see how genuine I am, they’ll see that I’m not on any chemo because I choose not to and my PSA is over 1300.
So my pleasure of getting in to chats and answering questions online are tainted but my present situation.
However I tried and I’ll try again when the wind blows me there again.
As for the cat. Mr Vicious is gonna need a name change due to his rag-doll behaviour over my lap when I sit down in the tv chair. Even before my bum has sat on the chair he’s ready to pounce and lay longwise across me like he’s dead, dead asleep that is ha ha).
He has also picked up a command when I feed him.
I use the command word ‘away’, to move him from under my slowly descending hand at the speed my back will allow, which is dead slow, and let me pour his food into the blue feeding bowl by the front of my other mini.
This really helps the cripple get most or all of his food into a cleanish bowl (that gets cleaned later by a non-cripple) and he pauses before he devours his breakfast for me to stroke him which is the end of the pause, then he can push me away and he can get on with his fine-dining.
I didn’t ever expect him to pick up a command or it to work so well but even my Darling uses the same command for the same reasons, it’s saved a lot of food being scattered across the garage floor when he used to head-but the measure of food going to his bowl.
As for my Darling, she doesn’t sit or lay on my lap any more, I mean that with a modicum of good taste not nefarious action of course. But that contact we used to have is not really there much any more.
The dancing in the kitchen hen has stopped and I must rekindle the closeness we had that should be there each and every day. In fact there’s a good reason to dance I little around the kitchen because we are off and Christmas up to London to get a glimpse and listen to our favourite singer Leddra. The Christmas show is a more intimate fun affair where the end of the year is celebrated and we all get a buzz of the seasonal cheer.
So why not train my legs into a bit of strictly Christmas for a bit of dancing fun? I’d be in very capable hands even if my Darling has ruled out ever dancing again due to the injury at the wedding a few months ago; which she has 95% recovered from now. Her calf still has a dint in it (as she says) it her walking is not affected and back to normal now.
That was a lucky escape though it was the three nearly four weeks off work that helped the most I suspect.
She has been boosted by all the checks to her vitals coming back clear and her heart especially good. What a relief.
This brilliant medical assessment has made her walk with an extra spring and for good reason.
So I shouldn’t be so bleak in my head about things when they are pretty good on the whole.
For me, I haven’t for a long time emailed my cancer care nurse, which is a sign that things are stable from a cancer perspective which is completely opposed to the surgery which I’m emailing nearly every day lately over these blinking prescriptions. The fact is that the letter from the Hospice has not yet arrived in the hands of a doctor with the new dosing directions, so I await this official change since Monday and it’s after ‘close of play’ Thursday as I write.
Is it ever going to be delivered, read and actioned? I’ve got a weeks worth of steroids some I picked up the last prescribed amount but that only a quarter of the new dose and therefore is only good till next Wednesday.
But I did get a responce from one email (I sent via accurx) which said I’d have a call on Friday so keep my phone close to me between 8am and 5:30pm. But I’m I saw that with this response e came a letter. The letter was the reply from the cardiologist team that has reviewed my question about what drugs to take and whether Digexion is meant to be taken as well as the beta-blocker. The answer was to stop the beta-blocker and continue with Digexion. Fabulous. At least there is an answer at last, it’s been over three weeks since I asked.
But alls well the ends well. Self advocacy is Ali e and well down south, still.
So that’s it for me. I’ll be happy to sit in the tattooists chair tomorrow then go to see my pal in a pub - tba.
The weekends not filled with promise but I want to get that walk in that I didn’t have today. Apparently it was cold outside, but I don’t call 15 degrees very cold. I wear shorts all year so it must be just a change from the twenties we’ve had since Easter I suppose.
This summer must have a good one, perhaps the best one since 76’.
I’m sure the new year’s wipe down will tell us in detail about the summer fires across Europe but also the dryness of this southern end of the country. For me it is a good year, heat is my thing, I liked it, unlike my Darling who preferd the cooler months.
So there it is; another day come and gone.
Take care and sleep when you can.
