Post 473: Please Let Me Rest.
Calmness doesn’t come skipping hand in hand with happiness when you’ve had very little sleep.
Yesterday was a difficult day in my head.
My body ached too.
Reading all your heartfelt replies afterwards reminded me why I write this blog in the first place. Whenever I need reassurance, advice or simply someone to steady me, it’s always here.
Thank you all.
Truly.
Thank you for taking the time to lift me when I’m struggling to lift myself.
⸻
Days like yesterday, when the pressure valve blows and I become uncomfortable in my own thoughts, are thankfully much rarer now.
But they still happen.
I’m simply grateful that my internet family never seems to tire of helping me find my feet again.
⸻
Our youngest son popped over this afternoon for a catch-up before meeting two of his oldest school friends.
The funny thing is that all three of them are expecting their first babies before the end of the year.
The last time they met, a couple of months ago, each one arrived with exactly the same news.
“We’re going to be parents.”
None of them had expected it.
Now they’ll all become dads within months of one another.
What an extraordinary coincidence.
What an exciting time for them all.
⸻
Before he arrived I tried tackling the ever-growing pile of insurance paperwork waiting for me in the office.
My intention was good.
My enthusiasm lasted about five minutes.
I separated the letters into sensible piles, looked at the number still left to deal with, felt my brain quietly surrender…
…and wisely decided enough was enough.
Some days your mind simply isn’t built for paperwork.
⸻
Instead I did something much more satisfying.
I taxed the little red Mini.
One online form.
One payment.
Job done.
Suddenly my little pocket rocket was road legal again and ready for work or pleasure whenever I fancied.
It’s amazing how one tiny job can make you feel you’ve achieved something worthwhile.
⸻
Driving the Mini to work later absolutely made my day.
Anyone who’s ever owned a classic Mini will understand.
They’re tiny.
They’re noisy.
They’re wonderfully impractical.
And somehow they’re enormous fun.
Mine only has two doors, yet it’ll happily carry four people with smiles on every face.
When I arrived at work the younger lads gathered round to admire it, while the older ones immediately started telling stories about the Minis they’d owned years ago.
I could still hear them chatting about them long after I’d gone inside to start work.
Considering the Mini first appeared back in 1959, it’s hardly surprising.
Nearly seventy years later it’s still creating conversations.
⸻
By the time I got home my mood had lifted.
Not completely.
But enough.
Our son came and went, leaving us to a simple tea of spicy noodles.
Far too spicy for my Darling.
After a few mouthfuls she surrendered gracefully and reached for the biggest glass of cold water she could find.
I did laugh.
⸻
Later we settled down to watch another episode of The Good Doctor.
We’re into the final series now.
Without giving anything away, it was obvious the ending was going to be emotional.
I thought I was prepared.
I wasn’t.
At first my eyes watered.
Then I found myself shaking.
Within moments I was crying properly.
Not quietly.
Not politely.
Properly.
My Darling stood up, wrapped her arms around me and gently asked,
“Can I hug you?”
I couldn’t even answer.
I just nodded.
Eventually the tears eased and we made our way upstairs.
I sat on the edge of the bed wondering why I’d cried so much.
Nothing specific had happened.
Nothing in my own life had suddenly changed.
Yet something inside clearly needed to come out.
Perhaps that’s reason enough.
⸻
Not every tear needs explaining.
Not every feeling arrives with a neat label attached.
Sometimes the mind simply empties itself when it can no longer carry everything quietly.
Perhaps that’s all this was.
⸻
Tomorrow is another day.
Hopefully one with a little more sleep.
A little more rest.
A little more peace.
Sleep has a wonderful habit of untangling knots that seem impossible at two o’clock in the morning.
I’ll reach for the better half of life again tomorrow.
As I usually do.
Good night.
Take care.
And thank you. 
️
