Post 423: Tears for everything today admin & pains mostly.
I can’t help thinking that the pain of administration ought to be equal to the pain my body and maybe it is but today I’ve cried and cried and cried
My back has been a real problem and even morphine and gabapentin and paracetamol won’t settle the agony I’m in. But when I’m trying to wrangle some quite stupidly simple things from the GP surgery like my fit note or the blood test whatever it seems to me that they are equally painful in my head and my heart to the agony I’m mean in my upper legs and spine.
I don’t know when a physical pain will end because the pills and potions I’m on are of quite a magnitude and how can I have just more and more morphine without disappearing into a a world of magic roundabout
So yesterday was a worry and a nightmare and it started with a simple call which led to tears. The call is about checking my appointments and after a week since my application for a sick note starting on the 9th of June was made a week ago, these checkups were pretty simple, but I thought I better use the system so I started on the switchboard and tried to 1st contact the right person on the right switchboard number
That was a big mistake
The six numbers that we have on the switchboard I wrote down each numbers use and thought that was a very good start so I rang an appointment and got a robot asking me questions who was I or is my date of birth et cetera and when I had done that but told me that I had no appointments and hung up this so annoyed me so I rang the other number for appointments number one hang up to a human human couldn’t hear me and I moved from where I was in bed to the window of the bedroom first and then to the other bedroom where my darling sleeps and eventually the office the timing his office and nowhere seem to be okay for her though, but could hear me clearly
When I did get to talk to the lady who couldn’t hear me, I reached out to her and because she had her rules to follow it was clear I was going to struggle with my need for some comfort in this Store my men which she knows nothing about the pain she knows nothing about the cancer and the heart problems. She want to know something about it ought to be on my notes it was told and shown to me it was on my notes anyway the rules are rules and all I could do was asked politely what was what?
The issues I had was simple and yet she gave me clear results in that I only had two appointments for blood tests and she told me when they were so I quickly wrote them down to verify on my phone Latter as for the sicknote she told me that yes had received my application. I was working on it. I I said it’s been a week and surely the sicknote would’ve been filled out and given to me electronically by now and all she said was Anna had received my application and was working on it first time I cracked not only could you not really hear me well she couldn’t understand me and with the fit night especially she knew for well what I was talking about yet her rules told her to only reply in a certain way. I got rid of a few tissues and mopping up my tears and snot from my nose and tried and tried to be heard but it was impossible.
My darling was at work. It was a Monday so I was dealing with this on my own which wasn’t a problem. Well it shouldn’t be a problem but it was a problem. I had no hand to hold and my back was giving me all sorts of agonist and while I was trying to deal with the tears I got a cool on the other phone and realised I had to do something and one of them so I politely said I’ve got a call. I’ll call you back to the to the girl trying to spelt the rules and regulations about an and my sicknote..
I picked up the other call. The other call was from my specialist cancer nurse and she was calling me back after reading my emails this morning and my email was telling her about my weekend of pain. She’s very understanding and knowledgeable about my situation and I got through the conversation without any tears but it resulted in her making a an emergency oncology checkup from acute oncology who would probably sort me out an MRI on my spine they said we party company after discussing the other issues about my body and it’s connection with oncology and ended the call happily
I returned to the problem I had with the sicknote and I thought I’d better ring Reception number six and see what she has to say
Number six was holy different not Only could you hear me? She could understand the cracks in my voice while I spoke to her. I was asking her about the week long weight and when she gave me sympathy I broke tears flooded not flooded and the girl the other side of the phone Held me and her arms so far away and let me expand my tear tanks and when done I was able to tell her how the previous call and robot had led me to this situation. We’ve just got through what I wanted when my phone went of again.
Two calls on the same phone.
Well, this is never been a good result. Every single time I choose the wrong green or red button anyway I stabbed at the button and one call ended the other call I received and I’ve got rid of the comforting lady and I had a comforting acute oncology lady instead.
After all of the preliminaries were made I was able to listen to her questions about what kind of a pain I was in kind problems I have and whether or not she thought I needed an MRI urgently. It was obvious to her that I did and she said I’ll call you back after she found out what availability they were. I said that’s fine. I ended the call..
All this had taken its toll but I think I was on the right track and also the distraction of creative writing this afternoon at 2:30 would help to straighten my day up but then I got a call another call from acute oncology.
I said there was an opportunity and it was today it would be at quarter to one and could I get down to the hospital to have it? I immediately said yes and then shut the cool down and sat there thinking what have I done? I’ve now said yes to an appointment 8 miles away but I can’t get to because I haven’t got a car but I have got friends.
I called the first friend a lady from over the road and she was just off out and I understood completely and said you’re the first on the long list don’t worry and she said I’m so sorry and I said don’t be and ended the call
I rang the second choice. My wife’s greatest friend and she was I could hear in the background was with our grandson all happy all happy noises, music to my ears somehow that little noise of a little boy playing with his toys in the background it was all I really needed to cheer up but same again because of the cherry little fellow my wife’s friend couldn’t do it just now but she could if I really needed her and close the call. I thought is it worth bothering the happy boy and the happy granny and I thought no I can get the bus I don’t know why I didn’t think earlier so I looked online and saw that in 20 minutes there was a bus that would take me to the door of the hospital in the bus stop was Only five minutes away so as my darling‘s best friend rang back saying she could rearrange her morning I said don’t worry stay put I’ve just seen that the bus can take me so don’t worry she said are you sure? I said of course I’m sure can we fart it happily with that? I thought I better put some dresses on and have a quick shave but by the time I looked at my watch the shave was not full one due to 10 minutes that had passed side grab the key and legged it out the door and as fast as I could walk down to the bus stop the bus stop was empty in the road empty too the time for the bus came and went and all I could do is worry.
What could I do? Well I could ring a taxi so I google a taxi firm and spoke to receptionist who said I’m sorry but he’ll be another 10 minutes and I said don’t worry that’s plenty of time. I’ll be waiting. I’ll put the phone away and I stood there listening to the birds and the cars go by. I could only hear the birds in between the cars, but as I look down the road I saw a bus the number 28 bus the one I wanted to catch it must be very late so I put out my hand and stop the bus got on it and furiously found number to ring and cancel that taxi that was heading towards me I don’t like cancelling anything but I had to. It would be a waste of his time anyway it didn’t make me feel good, but the bus was off and bouncing down the road and I ended that call too not very happily.
So it was time to admit to the pain I was in last night after such a lovely meal to my darling.
Obviously Val didn’t know she was fast asleep. It was the way I wanted it the way I wanted her to get some rest after such a fantastic meal in the place like a palace anyway because of the Pines and because of the email to my cancer nurse and because of acute oncology getting me an MRI I was on a bus heading to where she worked and instead of INE I was heading to the MRI suite where maybe someone could find the reason for the pain I’m in
Instantly she was worried panicked but she was also understanding and after telling her about some of the chaos this morning had brought me she couldn’t wait to give me a cuddle and I was define a immediately I got to the hospital and that I did
I had plenty of time so she came with me and sat beside me at the MRI suite waiting for my turn in the huge magnetic polo something that would be enormously painful and something I’ll have to go through to get to the bottom of this pain ha ha
I laugh at saying the bottom of the pain but really my bottom is on fire and when I got on the machine when it was my turn oh boy, my coccyx was on fire more than ever I had to stay like this over three4 of an hour and it nearly killed me. I nearly gave up. I nearly gave into the pain. Where would that get me another MRI?
I made it through and sat down waiting for an answer. The answer didn’t come. I had to go home. I’ll get a call later and so with a quick goodbye all round my wife to say goodbye the workmates and we went I could tell that all my darling wanted to hear was about why I didn’t wake up when I was at my most pained last night.
We planned out the next couple of hours she wouldn’t go to sleep. She would go down the town for me and get my prescriptions. That was the main thing but two she wanted to get the printer that I ordered that was gonna come to a local supermarket in between where we parked for the prescriptions and where the prescribing chemists are so it was not out of Hawaii, but it was so kind
We had also talked on the way home about getting me some sardines sardines that would perhaps give me some energy and give me a boost in internally also we all hoped and yet I was vegetarian and now considering being a pescatarian but who cares all I want is a more fitter me.
After all the calls and the tears and they email Miles and the fears I became even more saddened by an email that I so late in the evening it was from a new address. That’s an address that I had already memorise. It was the Guy that wanted to buy was going to buy Miles my treasured (Amazon) the grey Volvo that I love so much that had to be sold I didn’t want to read the email but it was a means to an end so I’d better read it hadn’t I?
It said how it had lost the replies from the Car auction company and only just found the messages that had won the sale and I’d accepted his offer in his trash bin and he was sorry to be contacting this late however he was keen to arrange a pick up and Tuesday or Wednesday was okay with him when I read this I felt hollow
I hadn’t expected a contemplated the thought of arranging the sale not the sale at the movement of my Volvo this week although that’s what was obvious and compulsory so why should it come as a shock? Well after the day I had? I suppose it was a shock, however it would be great to see it go when I read where the guy lived which was in the same county and only 15 to 20 miles away I felt warmed by this purchaser not taken Olive too far away so I emailed back the new stranger that was not gonna be a stranger anymore. I suggested Tuesday that tomorrow was a good day. If you could come after 5:30 after work.
I must’ve hit that saying I was going to work tomorrow was possibly the most ambitious thing I said all day but the hope was that I would be at At Work anyway it will give me chance to feed some power into the battery and get myself ready to release the car I’ve had for four years to this new Guy who was a new owner
1000 things went through my mind as I typed up that email and nearly said goodbye to my olive only 24 hours and should be gone
That would be hard
I bought this Volvo the same month that my mum died. My mum had Ben created and then I found out I had cancer.
Tomorrow would be hard
Take care
Good night
Ps I have written this today without the aid of a safety net ha ha it’s been written off of the microphone in the corner of the keyboard. There will be errors. There will be errors many errors but I will leave them in. I’m not gonna rewrite this. I’m not gonna edit it. I haven’t got my glasses on my reading glasses. I’m laying on the bed because it’s too hard to sit up. To stand and sit and lay lions easiest so I’m talking to myself. In this room with the little orange flashing button it’s writing out my verbal commands so there it is the day has been long. I did sleep well but the pain hasn’t passed and today a lot could happen a lot should happen and some things are good and some things are bad but I can die. Must start with my best Foot forward and so I wish you well. Good night.
