Post 378: Aches in ribs, chest & lower back too.
I have been worrying about the aches in my body and my continued inability to touch the ground.
What I mean is I can’t reach to pick up anything off the floor. It’s a dammed inconvenience.
Oh, it seems a bit rich when there’s aches and pains in my body, because I can just add a drop or two of Oramorph and hey presto—the pains are gone.
But that’s not all I need to do—because every decision made to increase pain relief comes at a hefty price.
My sleep (napping) is increased during the day, and any moment I’m not being gripped by the attention of a one-to-one conversation, I’m bound to drop off to sleep.
But that’s already happening.
It must be the extra pill of 10mg of slow-release morphine that I was given to start (a few weeks ago after the last oncology meeting), so I have to find a happy medium with competing problems, all the time.
My Darling is the centre of my world and, though I’ve not been bigging her up lately, it’s more than likely because I’m being a bit too selfish with my own thoughts—and I’ve noticed it in my writing.
By the way—writing—do you think I should write a booklet, or is it called a novella? Using extracts from this blog?
I say that and I’m again distracting from leaning in on my Darling’s life just lately. I really should concentrate. I start a serious conversation and then drift off into the world of Mr U…
So I’m going back.
The issues regarding my Darling are profound but lately, on my periphery. I’ve been talking to the Celebrant this week, but that’s all about me again. The blog is centred on me lately, not on us. It’s something I can do better with — so long as I stay focused. But that’s not so easy; the morphine makes that harder.
So my Darling is still easing off pounds in her quest to lose weight with the help of her mates at Slimming World.
The group she’s with are a brilliant bunch, and they help in staying on point through all the seasons—seasons that I kind of take for granted as feasts — but it means she stays relentless in this diet.
I am truly amazed at how successful she’s been since late last summer, and losing just over 2.5 stone is life-changing for her.
Yes, there are factors that help her on her way, like two forthcoming weddings and things like that which require a bit of future planning.
She tried on her outfit the other day in front of me and I was blown away with the colour and the fit.
She has such a cute body now. I’m partially jealous of other people’s ability to feel sexually motivated (look out, here it comes—I’m making it about me again…).
She looks fabulous in the dress and that’s partially why I think I should be measured up for a suit—to help her feel more like a woman.
I hope that makes sense, but also, way beyond the suit and dress is a desire to get out and about.
We do try hard, but her Slimming World does restrict outings a bit.
But I want to do more, pain or not.
I want to take her out more and let her relax into my company, a happy me. That is what I need to do—be proactive. Let her sit in the passenger seat and I’ll drive for a change.
It will certainly be easier when she’s reached target weight and the odd treat can be withstood in a less strict atmosphere whilst eating. I can work on that too.
This period of our lives should be full of our choices about our future lives together, and it’s so easy to forget to add enjoyment to daily life—but I can do it. I will try harder. It can be better.
It’s very easy to slip into ill mode and refuse to do anything than go out and be sociable. It’s just we are out of practice—I am out of practice.
This weekend is the big car show by the sea which I’m booked into on the Sunday with the old classic Volvo.
My youngest is the driver and hopefully he will make it a very easy day for me to enjoy.
The Volvo crowd are a great bunch that I’ve stayed away from them for far too long, so this will start to make amends. We just need a bit of dry weather.
I keep looking at the app—the weather app—and it looks ok.
In the end we can’t change it, so we best get on with it.
In fact, now I’ve looked, it’s not likely to rain all day.
Fan-tass-tick.
————
Big Sis came around after her cleaning job at The Gate House just after one pm. She was in Wales last week and next week unavailable so we had loads to talk about.
From the preps for her eldest’s wedding and tales of last week’s Wales trip, things are looking up for her—for them.
As for the friends they stayed with in Wales, it was easy to imagine her upping sticks and heading off to the far west of Wales towards those friends. Indeed, I was shown a stream of Zoopla photos of a house and annex which could be a very handy solution to their retirement challenges.
To live anywhere other than the town you grew up in is a big leap of faith. However, if it makes things easier on the pocket and the eye, it’s the right time to leave.
Finding a doctor and dentist might be fun though.
She brought a goodie bag as usual and some gifts were inedible. One was a tin workshop sign saying “If I can’t fix it we’re all screwed” 
Very good, Sis.
The other was a carved elephant made from Welsh coal. It was especially for my Darling and when she got home she was allowed to open it, to her delight and amazement.
Great job, Sis—that is such a special gift for my Darling. Thank you on her behalf.
Love and best wishes,
Have a wonderful weekend
Take care
