Post 303: 90 year old’s forgettable party.
With only three more sleeps to go I’ll park up the blog here today and only come back when I really have time for it or something to say.
The writing up of the hotel and local amenities that catch our eye will obviously be in a report of the holiday, later on, and only when I get time, otherwise I’m going to relax and enjoy the 9 days away with my Darling.
So I’ll be back sporadically with updates only if something interesting happens.
Tonight my back ached and I went to bed with a swig of morphine.
I can feel a few niggles across my front and my back ribs too, but I can’t tell if that’s because I was lounging on my Darling watching TV last night.
We were both on the couch and I was struggling to stay awake so I could have aggravated my ribs then.
Earlier we had a guest doggie, Teddy, with his lovely owner and great friend of my Darling’s, who dug around the reasons as to why I’m not on any treatment at the moment, in a heart-felt conversation.
It’s only when someone’s asking innocent questions that you start to question your own reasons for the decisions made.
“Why are you not having any treatment?” was the thrust of the conversation.
I explained Active Surveillance to her and Teddy which clearly bewildered them since there was a treatment or two that I was refusing; why would I do that?
It’s not so easy to explain now I come to try to explain it.
“Only when I need to find answers to a lump, bump, pain or worry will I be returned to new checks around my body if it’s deemed necessary,” I said unconvincingly.
So if there’s a new pain or problem or a flare up of an old problem there will be reason to check out my body. The blood test would be first then scans etc.
It felt like I was trying to convince myself.
I went on to explain that there was a half-strength chemo on offer, as was a dose or twelve of radium to chase after the lesions I already have in my bones.
None of this was convincing me let alone her and Teddy.
Teddy was more interested in little Bonios in my pocket than anything I was explaining and brought the confab to a dreary end.
After our friends went back home it was dinner time and the dregs of yesterday’s curry were used as a base to add some white rice and mock-chicken bits to, for a red hot indescribable curry which I absolutely devoured with gusto.
And so ends a quiet day where I was trying to stay out of trouble while monitoring my niggles in case they rise up to bite me.
I’m petrified that something’s going to happen to mess up this holiday. It’s just me being nervous about everything, I just don’t feel comfortable.
I know it’s me that’ll mess it all up.
Anyway, that’s it for a while.
I’m glad you’ve been there for me and I’d do the same for you.
Bye for now, sleep well and good luck.
xx
PS
My big sister’s mother-in-law had a 90th birthday lunch yesterday. She has dementia and after the photos, delightful food and conversation she was taken home…
By then, she had forgotten all about the dinner party. Only the tiara remained as a tangible reminder of the event, that and the photographs.
What a cruel world this is.
Mr U.
