Post 294: My elephant tears are unending.
Salty mud-bath eyes.
By Mr U
I wish I was an elephant,
in a bath of mud
‘cos there would be no signs of tears,
I cry for all my worth,
Today is just like all the days,
I live by hour and hour,
But I am in,
my muddy bath,
with my salty eyes.
———
Hi everyone, am I kidding myself about my cancer? Yesterday I had premium treatment by the local GP and was given speedy service in a way opposite to what should really happen.
I’m not going to bleat on about the pills and potions that we get free and double quick, but this evening I’m feeling like a good old fashioned cry and nothing’s going to stop me.
I’ve been in bed all day and it hasn’t been all bad. But I’ve burned about 14.5 calories, but my Darling has fed me a hearty 3,500 calories. I reckon if this lasts for a month they’ll have to take the roof off with a massive crane just to get me out of bed.
Other than the new pill regime it’s been dull, but that means I’ve done nothing wrong and I can build the confidence of my Darling for days when she’s at work and can’t know what crazy antics I could be getting up to.
Really, I’m not a child, my dear.
But, on my last month’s injuries I’m guessing that there’s good reason for worrying about what I might get up to.
So today was a good day. A Friday too.
Who cares what day it is.
I certainly don’t. There’s nothing for me to gauge the weeks by.
However, I did get a phone call for the arrangement of the next oncology meeting. She kindly suggested the end of March, which I declined mainly because the blood-test I had already booked was on the 4th, damn it. But, she heard my frustration and re-suggested a week earlier which was most agreeable. We thanked each other and parted amicably.
So it’s more the middle of the month now, which is good.
This is where I’ll start the waterworks again (you don’t have to, unless you want to). I’m finding it very hard to wriggle around in bed. To put it bluntly my useless right now arm might as well not be there. Honestly, it’s beyond me how quickly it’s gone from a frozen shoulder to a limb that is now disarmed.
(Pun intended).
I’ve had help writing this passage that is nearly all me anyway, but it’s got better grammar and punctuation.
I’ll send it to the GP tomorrow morning.
I can’t allow this to go on any longer. It may be partly my frozen shoulder but the loss of all movement from the shoulder to elbow seems nerve related.
“Progressive right arm weakness over the last few weeks. Initially associated with a frozen shoulder, but symptoms now go beyond pain and stiffness. I frequently have to use my left arm to lift and position my right arm because it will not move voluntarily. When getting out of bed, I need to hold my right knee to roll over, and I must manually place my right arm onto my right knee as it will not lift on its own. Most adjustments are done using only the fingers of the right hand, as the rest of the arm feels unresponsive. It feels like there is a loss of connection between my elbow and shoulder. Symptoms are one-sided and worsening, but movement from the elbow to the fingers is fine.”
I’m really down about this and every-time I think about it I cry. It’s not right nor getting better. In some answers. It’s painful, and hugely debilitating.
I’m off early tonight, I need some sleep if only the bloody right arm would stay still on my right hip.
Perhaps I should glue it there.
Perhaps I should buy a riser recliner chair, can you get a medical one that turns into a bed? Then I wouldn’t need to struggle out of bed, it would do everything for me, but I’d need an agitating mattress on it to stop blisters if I get more lazy.
Is there such a thing?
Anyway.
Good night, sleep well.
