Post 285: Doc tomorrow, should I stop HT?
Staring up at the pitch black ceiling with my eyes open, I start to see big shadows in the light from I don’t know where. Tomorrow I get to see the doc. What do I say?
I pick up and hold my phone as my left hand reaches down to the bed controller hanging somewhere off the frame of the bed and without looking and without turning on the light my fingers locate it and press the button. The whirr coincides with my back and head rising. After a few seconds I’m comfortably able to read and write on the bright screen my eyes are slowly adjusting to.
It’s so quiet, all I can hear now is the ringing of tinnitus in my ears reminding me of work and I ponder things.
I need to get onto the surgery and extend again my sick note via Anima. I’ve said before how great Anima is but yesterday I didn’t get a responce and I’m fuming deep down inside and because of it have a little burning sensation of panic and embarrassment inside me because I tried to get something done and someone the other end of a digital app hasn’t seen it fit to get the simple request completed.
I’ll email HR later to apologise and tell them why my sick notes not extended yet.
All very boring stuff but all necessary and all embarrassing too.
While thinking of work, which I do often, I ponder if I’ll ever be able to get back to work?
I’m still willing but I feel it slipping from my grasp. I have to face up to the reality that I may never work again.
I don’t worry about it as much I used to but it’s still something I miss and at the lads start time of three in the afternoon I hear the call to the factory in my ears over the tinnitus and the tv.
Today Anima and tomorrow the doc.
I’ve instigated the meeting with Dr S my oncologist as a way of getting a second opinion about the HT (hormone therapy) I’ve been on for three and a half years.
The simple thought I have is the balance between my health risks if I stop the Zoladex injections in my belly against the side effects I still get.
The flushes are the biggest problem but I’m tired all the time too so I wonder if getting rid of the HT will help with both.
I know that the argument will be “but the HT will be doing something to help your body so continuing it is best practice”.
But what is it doing to help my body?
With my PSA score of 403 nearly two months ago I want to know what indicators are telling us that the HT is working?
Those two months of peace haven’t been great but there’s been no noticeable improvement in my day to day health, barring the fact that there are no symptoms or appointments to handle. So a mixed result just like the chemo was.
The fact that I have a frozen right shoulder is the main concern currently, and I suppose that’s good. At least I’m not suffering any cancer symptoms or pain.
So am I ready or not — time will tell.
A funny thing happened today when I was navel gazing while waiting for my Darling to return to her tv seat by my side when the door bell rang. Well to a ring more of a ring tone.
Anyway, I learned after the front door closed and Val opened the lounge room door enough for her lovely little head to appear and informed me that the lovely neighbour had a few scones left over and if they’re eaten in 24hrs you’re welcome to them. Otherwise bin them because they’re already frozen and thawed.
She left me with my navel gazing and trotted off with the scones.
A little while passed by and I heard a shriek. “STORMY! OUT!”.
Oops! I thought but I thought id better stay put and shout a how are you from the safety of the tv lounge.
Again there was another sheik aimed at the cat. “GET OUT NOW!”.
I jumped up to help only to find the patio door open and the cat hiding under a chair looking furtive (great pun).
I corralled the cat out the kitchen and shut the patio door and asked why the cat was in the dog-house?
My Darling turned to me trying not to smile and said I had put the scones down on the side and looked away and the next minute they were on the ground with a happy hungry car starting to devour them on the floor still in their cellophane wrapping.
Bloody cat!
He loves fruit cake.
What can I say, it was funny
In the end it was only one he had chew on so we still have two of the three…
Well, no we haven’t now, because I had one later with butter and jam after a microwave lift.
Very nice indeed.
I can see why the cat had his beady eyes on them.
Perhaps he can have his one — Perhaps not.
There’s never a dull moment with a hungry cat.
Good night all
